2013 GC RD.3 - Uhmazing Vs. Mcjewfro (Mcjewfro Wins 3-1 Tko)

[Enfinite]

Uhmazing Vs Mcjewfro

This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship

Rules
Verses are due Thursday, December 12th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic
"Slipping away against the current"

[UhMAZING]

Enfinite

"Slipping away against the current"


A Man set sail on the ocean, the sapphire blue open
to admire the calm serene beauty that seemed endless
his intent was to wash away the sins of his past
like a phoenix rising from the ash...
things took a turn for the worst pretty fast
the waves got vast and slapped rapidly
keeping calm he was sure it'd soon pass
but things didn't get better...
he started to think, "Am I really doomed atlast?"
as he made his way below decc, to recover a looking glass
he went on decc and raised the brass to his eye
peered at the horizon...
the waves roar like they was alive for miles, like king poseidon with his trident risin'
he knew this would be a long night
staying calm is the only way of surving
the only regrets was leaving at home 2 kids and a strong wife
all of a sudden a monsterous wave pounded the ship
uplifting him from the decc, it all happened so quicc
before he knew it he was hovering in the air as if he was an angel
the wind whipping around him as if he was in the middle of a vortex
twisting and contorting his body in to any and all angles
has he made a mistake? should he have waited?
what could he have done to make the "gods" so angered?
instantly he fell smashing into the water
the water turned blacc, there was nothing stranger
he fought with all his might, out of no where appeared a light
so bright it blinded his eyes, will he survive? we don't know,
Pain, Pleasure, and Tragedy are a part of life, we all must endure it
and we All know how it feels to be "Slipping away against the Current"

[Wonderbred]

Slipping Away Against the Current

Wake up at six-thirty, my brain’s numb and I can’t think
The world’s shitty, I just turned sixty on Monday of last week
I make a six-figure salary, yet I still feel like more of a bum than an ass cheek
Need a cup of coffee to get me out of this bad dream
Cuz I’m addicted to caffeine, I have needs like a crack fiend

Speakin’ of which, sometimes I just wanna try crack or dope
Or sit back and smoke, relax as though it would ensure that I don’t have a stroke
As I get sad and old it seems more and more that I’m lackin’ hope
I look back in woe, my prime has passed, soon my ass will croak...

I remember way back ago, I used to sit tight dyin’ to get my license
Now I just bought a Corvette to get right by this midlife crisis
I was never one for fistfights, violence
But now if it meant feelin’ excitement I would kick Mike Tyson
Extreme skydivin’? Shit, I’d try it
I’d rather risk my life than be in this sick plight I’m in
‘Cuz every second not spent by livin’ is spent by dyin’

I remember when I was I kid I had no responsibilities
Now I’ve always got these bills and things, I know it’s started killing me
So I sit and reminisce, I’m the best at this
I remember when I’d sweat a kiss
From my mom in front of my friends as kids
Or when I was in college, every day I’d mess with tits
I guess I miss the days when I was used to expectin’ bliss
‘Cuz too much thinking led me into this bereft abyss

Now my parents are both dead and my wife is sick
My kid is in jail, my siblings are a-holes and my life is shit

So I live in the past where I wish I could stay, not get sick and decay, and it’s hurtin’ my mind
They say “live for today” but I’m slippin’ away, a victim of age against the current of time…

[Sean Cron]

Uhmazing: you had good imagery here and a decent story. the rhymes were on point. some of the vocab and the interpretation of the theme were somewhat generic. I liked your ending lines, they had a nice ring to them.

Mcjewfro: I feel that was a more effective interpretation of the topic. You had some really catchy lines in there and your concept was stuck to and worked well. The first stanza hit great, and the verse had a lot of good imagery and content overall.

MVGT: Mcjewfro

[Lockhart]

One's topical I felt had a more intricate way of rhyming than what you'll usually see in a topical format. It didn't effect the flow of his topical and it also didn't take away from the topical itself. I felt you brought some fairly good imagery along with it and it told the story nicely.

Other's topical I felt was more regimented and more strict when it comes to rhyme structure and multi usage, which I felt became a crutch over time because it seemed like in the middle to the end that's all it seemed like you were focused on was staying with the rhyme structure and it took away from your topical as a whole. Decent topical, however.

Overall, UhMAZING gets my vote.

[Enfinite]

Both stories were cool. One took a literal approach while the other took a more original approach. Uhmazing's rhymes were a little more difficult to follow. I myself was able to see it but to other users it might be a little harder. The overall story was good but felt a little predictable in a sense. The imagery was good, the vocab was average, but the story itself was decent.
Mcjewfro's flow was a lot smoother due to his rhyme structure. His story was more original to the topic, I enjoyed the angle he took. In terms of story I think it was a little more rounded than Uhmazings which is why im leaning his way.

MVGT: Mcjewfro

[RULE]

Nice spar here. UhMaze had a simple but effective piece, kinda lost interest halfway through tho. The flow was choppy and the vocab a lil plain. Deffly showed potential for this kind of format. McJew i enjoyed your drop alot, some of it felt a little too "battle-ish" if that makes sense, it could of been a lil deeper, a lil more poetic.

All in all i felt ones drop was better overall.

MVGT: McJewFro.

1/

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Upping for formatting.

[RULE]

counted

tbm