2013 GC: RD2 - Lil Fidel Z Vs Onarolle (Lil Fidel Z Wins 3-0)

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Lil Fidel Z Vs Onarolle

This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship

Rules
Verses are due Tuesday, November 26th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic
http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/170/2/4/The_Inner_Struggle_by_StijnVanDoorselaere.jpg

[Doer]

EtH i dont get it? what wat r we writin about?

[Enfinite]

EtH i dont get it? what wat r we writin about?

The picture

[Doer]

his name Raymond, he has a special power, a gift from satan, yet a GIFT FROM GOD/
goes by Muscles Man, intends to use it for good but yet, doesnt get accepted for who he is and its a BITCH OF ODDS/
strength of hulk and a mind powerful enough to beat MAGNETO/
everything he touches turns to destruction, his powers are THAT LETHAL/
but hes a role model to the children, who everyone wants to RESEMBLE
he may be a bone head with his powers, but still leaves evil doers scared IN TREMBLE/
but that one day they needed him most, he got the RESPECT
when the city of new york city was down on its last leg, and kept it IN CHECK/
in his room, FOCUSED IN REST/
till the phone vibrated, answered and it was the local police station in TOTAL DISTRESS/
"Fury, the over-aggressive villian and a fiery ego has TAKIN THE TOWN"/
"muscles man" u need to go south and we need u to be TAKIN HIM DOWN"/
histry with fury has not been TO GREAT/
he fears his power, however, he put a suit on and ran off to the city before its TO LATE/
there, i see fury causing havoc on to the GREAT CITY/
buildings collapsed, cars destroyed, and has no desire to fll a GREAT PITY/
"muscle man, u dare come out to challange me, dont be A SAVOIR/
fury, u must be taken down due to ur childish BEHAVIOR/
fury grinned in pleassure, "then lets have fun shall we, show me ur not a TRUE COWARD'/
not intimidated by his taunting, as he ripped the center on his shirt in 2, about to unleash his TRUE POWER/

[Fidel Z]

I just got back from work so I took my clothes off and I’m folding that,
My life is like a routine; due to stress I noticed a spot in my scalp where I’m bolding at
I hate this life! I feel like I’m holding back!
My daughter looks over and says “it’s okay dad, you’re just getting old and that”
But should age really determine what I can or what I can’t do,
Should I give up in life, or chase the dreams that I planned to. Abolish
Did I waste my time? I see my future get demolished,
I tried to holler at opportunity but I don’t even get acknowledged!
Is this life? I guess some things aren’t meant to be!
Or should I say, some things aren’t meant for me!
I was always pushed around; I didn’t fight back nor make a sound,
Now I’m about to change the script, and take lead out of this town!
I lost my muse in this depression, my rules in this suppression,
All I wanted was success, you could see it in my expressions!
Fuck you to my boss! this is where I draw the line!
I did everything for you, you pushed me around all the time!
But there’s a reason for everything, you’re just a resource I exploit
Now I got my family, and a dream, I just want to be self-employed!
I finally found my inner strength! Is this me I’m looking at?!
Goodbye fate! You used to punch n push me around, but now I’m leaving get hooked on that!
I got opportunity in my trunk, and I aint never looking back!

[Babylon]

Onaroll - Your rhyming was your biggest problem in my opinion, you had way too many words between your rhymes in places & it all just seemed basic with the 1-2 syllable schemes. Your flow was off too, it was too routine. Every rhyme was just like 8 words then the rhyme, so none of it really suprised you. Also the story itself wasn't very impressive either.

Lil Fidel Z - More impressive rhymes than your opponent but you could have done better based on your other shit imo. The story wasn't all too great but I feel your flow alone could have taken this. I liked the story, but it should have had a better ending. Pretty nice premise.


Vote: Lil Fidel Z

[Dysfunctional]

Onarolle: Your story confused me it seemed like rambling with not much of a beginning middle or end. The flow was really stretched too.
Fidel Z: I liked your idea of an empowering sort of topical. Also not much of a story. Your flow was deff more impressive than your opponents.

My Vote Goes To: Fidel Z

[Enfinite]

Onarolle: Your story was very jumbled. I understood the overall theme and topic you were going for and how you related it to the picture but the progression wasnt there. I feel like you didn't flesh it out start to finish very well. Imagery was there a bit, but the flow and rhyming needed work as well.

Fidel Z: Your story was decent. It had more in it than Rolles but again, I feel like it could of been fleshed out better in terms of progression and imagery. Your rhyming and flow was good though. It made the piece easier and more enjoyable to read through. Working on the story and imagery for you and you'd be improving.

MVGT: Fidel Z

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Upping for formatting.

[RULE]

added

tbm