2013 GC: RD2 - Bnas Vs ELOH_STACKz(ELOH_STACKz wins 3-0)

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Bnas Vs ELOH_STACKz

This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship

Rules
Verses are due Tuesday, November 26th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic
http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs29/i/2012/272/0/a/devil_by_megan_yrrbby-d1fq3gc.jpg

[ELOH STACKz]

I heard that "the Devil wears Prada", this bitch was COVERED IN BLOOD/
Hermes, Chanel shades & Red Bottoms as she STRUT IN THE CLUB/
I saw that look on bitches faces, quick to RUSH IN & JUDGE/
I was sprung... Usually not the type of nigga to RUSH INTO LOVE/
But I had to spark up a conversation & see where her HEAD AT/
Removed the glasses, that's when I noticed her contacts had a RED CAP/
I figured it was just the strobe lights that gave her such DEMONIC OF EYES/
That's when I said "let's go to my spot. I've got a little CHRONIC SURPRISE"/
We on the highway speeding like SONIC IN DRIVE/
With her eyes on my neck & MINE IN HER THIGHS/
Beauty's in the eye of the beholder & she had me in the PALM OF HER HAND/
Whispering sweet nothings in my ear so CALM, IM THE MAN/
Ideas of "worshipping her every word" ran thru my mind like the PSALMS OR KORAN/
The whole time I "knew clear"ly that later on I'll be BOMBING IRAN (Nuclear)/
That's when she UNZIPPED THE MISSLE & TONGUE KISSED MY PISTOL/
Until I shot that "Sour Cream" in her mouth like ONIONS AND PICKLES/
But that FUN TWIST WAS FICKLE... Shhhhhhit, I wish I had GUN WHIPPED THE NICKEL/
Plate across her face... cuz this She-Devil was the ONE WITH THE SICKLE/
I'm standing there frozen, NAKED AND DAZED/
Her eyes piercing my brain as she PLAYS WITH THE WAVES/
If I wasn't such a sinner she'd of STAYED IN THE GRAVE/
But my actions had spoke loudly... Now I'll be her SLAVE FOR THE REST OF MY DAYS/
I tried to repent, but that last minute shit doesn't HEAL, I FIGURE/
But I just wanna know... what type of cold-hearted BITCH sucks his DICK before she KILLS THE NIGGA?"/

[Sean Cron]

Bnas: you had some good multis and had some interesting stuff going on as far as wordplay here. It wasn't really much of a narrative and I didn't learn much about a character or situation which was kinda disappointing, considering it's a topical. don't get me wrong, you did have some interesting stuff going on technically and with the wordplay and multis.

Eloh: this narrative was a lot more appealing to me. I felt like the rhymes flowed really well and were complex but not overly complicated. some pretty good imagery was at work here and there was a logical progression of events.

MVGT: ELOH_STACKz

[ET the Refugee]

Bnas: you had alot of forced wordplay in there and it took away from your flow. While you stayed on topic, it wasn't very concise as to what that topic was. I mean, i know it was about a girl but what type of girl? The direction of the verse was very unclear and at times seemed like you were having trouble stepping away from a "battle" style of flow.

Eloh: Almost the opposite of Bnas. The multis and wordplay weren't there but it doesn't matter much in a topical. I could envision everything you were saying and it had a nice flow. While the concept wasn't extremely original, you did a great job of conveying your message and painting a picture which in a topical, is paramount to all facets of a verse.

No hate at all but to me, the winner is clear.
Eloh Stacks

[Enfinite]

Both were good pieces.
Bnas: You treated this more like a cypher in my opinion. I lot of wordplay and metaphors throughout. But a lot of your lines were stretched with syllables and it made your flow mad choppy. I like the different approach but I felt a story could of been a lot better. I felt you had some story going on but it wasnt fleshed out completely.

Elo: You came good this time. The flow, the imagery, the story was good. Overall a solid piece. I feel if you step up the vocab and maybe work on putting more depth into the story, it would be rock solid overall. But as for topical goes, I'd say this was a good 6.

MVGT: Eloh

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Upping for formatting.

[RULE]

added tbm