2013 GC: RD1 - WHITZ Vs LadyV - (LadyV Wins 6-2)

[Hubert Cumberdale]

WHITZ Vs LadyV

This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship

Rules
Verses are due Friday, November 8th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic
A Night at the Theatre

[WHITZ]

7:30 in the morn.. The alarm starts to buzz..
slammin on some water to soak the taste buds
Its been a long week coming..just thankin je-sus
the day has finally come.. its time for Fast Six

he polishes up his ride.. interior is lookin slick
his own black honda civic like the one that was in the flick
he was a true follower of the fast and furious
the first time that he seen it he went racing cuz he was curious

fell in love wit the rush.. his goal was to have a match ina street race
looking like hes under hypnosis, you would know if you ever seen his face
he had to go and put a shift in, which he knew would kill the time
practicing double shiftin.. while he was cruisin down the line

at work, time was flying.. he was coming up to the hour..
all he had on his mind was dom and the crew wit the power
so siked up.. he invited a few co-workers..
one of drove muscle wit dual twin nas Injectors

they all got off work with thrill and excitement
mr. civic had got em all overly delighted
They made it to the threatre, and payed for their tickets
got they popcorn and pop ready.. its time for them to live it..

the movie blew their minds.. they were ina race car mentality
looking to find a quarter mile.. to commit some sort of felony
They made it to the lights, waiting for it to turn green.
The look on their faces was like dom terreto mean..

Little did they know.. a couple was walkin a block ahead
unaware of the race that was coming towards their end..
over 100 clicks, they was racing towards the finish line
mr. civic was leadin the race.. till he hit that couple at the same damn time.

His night at the theatre ended in charges of reckless driving,
that couple died instantly and civic's color had stopped shinning

[Hubert Cumberdale]

LadyV's Verse

Lower class Britain, she was born and raised, to a place full of poverty, a dream to chase,spent her days in a haze, full of rage and hate, so the talent she displayed was a wasteful trait,so betrayed by this place, that was known as home, opportunities are rare, and she would roam alone, Never had many friends she could call her own, but her Dad was the one who could calm her soul, Mummy died 99, so he took the roll, and he swore to the heavens he would keep control, And console, never let emotions blow, shit he knew she was talented but times were low,
So one night he got tickets to his favorite show, told his daughter she was going wouldn't take a no, He was determined to take her to the place that holds, a special place in his heart that he can't let go The same place where his wife used to take the roll, she would light up the stage, she was born to stroll She was blessed with a talent took a hold of goals,used to be the illest actress that the town had known, And he knew that his girl had the same inside, but he really had to fight to ignite the light COZ'she'd lost all hope when her mom declined and she just cried everynight when her angel died But he wouldn't let it go, so her Father pushed, kept on pleading and he begged, tried to make a fuss So Rebecca agreed, just to keep him sane, said she'd go to the theatre and watch the play And soon that day soon came, but she wasn't excited, coz she knew that inside all the pain was rising But she forced a smile, and embraced the lights, stared up onto the stage where the fire ignites
Many thoughts in her mind as she turned to look, at her Father who was beaming, looking proud as f*** A little voice in her mind told her 'This is the life, not the drugs or the liquor, you was born to strive' so a few weeks later she told her Dad, she was ready to get back to her acting class She was done with the drugs them times have passed, it was time to explore all the talent she has Coz when she watched that play, yo she knew it was real, a bigger rush bigger feel than the drugs conceal So her Father was euphoric, couldn't wait to see, his little girl on the stage where she's meant to be But he didn't realize just how good she was, coz her talent was incredible just like her moms, She started off little plays just doing her thing, till her talent got scouted and now she's in, She's an A class star, on the Hollywood scene shes proof any1 can achieve there dream A nyt at the theatre is all ya need.

-2 Votes

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Upping

[Aggo]

I have to say I wasn't overly impressed with either of these verses. Whitz had issues with rhyme and tone. The story wasn't great and the ending wasn't particularly shocking or moving. I feel that Lady V's verse length actually detracted from the verse because I found myself getting bored. The structure/story/scheme weren't interesting enough to keep my attention for the extended length and I wasn't really moved in any way.

MVGT Whitz

[Joe MuGGz]

Wow.. this one was hard.. Whitz verse was very simple and plain.. which in some cases, is a good thing.. but this wasnt.. It lacked cliff hangers and a climax..

Ladys verse was long.. n drawn out. I will say that it was a bit more complex, which I like.. the story had a real direction aswell..

My vote goes to Lady..

Night At The Theatre is a topic that couldve been KILLED.. yall didnt take advantage...

[ELOH STACKz]

^^^ I agree with Muggz...

Vote: Lady V

SMH at this vote. Discounted.

[Hubert Cumberdale]

WHITZ: The story was okay. It was quite original which is the most important thing to look out for. I think the actual technical side of things were your biggest weakness. I couldn't connect with the flow, and the lyricism was quite weak throughout. Your rap techniques can translate into a topical, so you can bring in the same flows and rhyme schemes you would usually rap.

LadyV: I didnt like your formatting, with no punctuation to end the lines, at all, and the loser having "nyt" in it annoyed me. None the less, the flow was good throughout and another quite original idea. I'm assuming, based on the geographical reference, that this is somewhat related to you. Your rhyming was basic, but at times you covered that well with strong repetition of the rhyme sounds. The flow went up and down, but it had a few more ups to me.

Overall, this might be the closest I've read yet, but I enjoyed one more so I vote that way.

LadyV Gets My Vote

[Fidel Z]

Both had dope verses, I liked how both went into detail and rhymed nicely throughout, However ones verse was a bit more interesting and caught my attention from the first line. I thought both did great and this is a close call however ones story was more on point to me and stuck to the topic nicer.. I would have a better expo for you guys, but im in a rush n i thought i'd quickly vote for the one i like, sorry if this expo sounds rushed.

MVGT: LadyV

[Dono]

Pretty sloppy execution on both ends. Both of you have good concepts to work with, you just have to flush them out better. Whitz, the climax of your story is obviously the part where he hits the couple. Take some lines out to really describe it, you just glossed over it super quick.
LadyV same type of thing. If you want to do an emotional piece, you need to amp up your word choice and really dig into the characters and how they're feeling. Gimme something to relate to.

I feld like LadyV had a slightly more relatable and emotional character while Whitz had a much better background for his character.

Narrow vote to LadyV

[Babylon]

Honestly I wasn't overtly impressed with either, Whitz had some rhyming issues and the story wasn't very interesting. Usually the end packs a punch or a surprising twist but this one was just bland. LadyV's rhyming was better, but it still lacked in some places. The flow was choppy at some points but in others it was fluent... wait I'm basically saying everything eth did. All in all I just enjoyed LadyV's verse more, it didn't seem as rushed to me.

Vote - LadyV

[RULE]

Ok, i thought Whitz verse was very track-esque. There wasnt much in the way of poetic substance or creativity. I thought the rhyming structure was fairly basic also, which made the overall piece feel kind of simplistic. I think you created a story that had the potential, but in the end you jut didnt delve deep enough. LadyV the feed for you is somewhat similar to that of Whitz, i think your flow was strong although inconsistant, but like your opponent i think you only scratched the surface of what you could of delivered.

Overall i think both verses seemed a bit rushed and not as fleshed out as they should/could of been. But still solid enough, the winner gets my vote due to a better performance in the flow catagory, as otherwise the pieces were somewhat neck and neck.

MVGT: LadyV.

1/

[Enfinite]

I enjoyed both reads and stories. I just felt there was something more that can be added to both. You both rhymed decently and the flow of both pieces were here and there. I feel like both could of done more in terms of story content and story progression, like some of the ideas you had could of been brought to fruition better. Overall, one has to walk away with this win and my winner took it with just a small margin in a few categories.

MVGT - Lady V

[UhMAZING]

Honestly, when I first read Whitz verse I was confused...Was the characters from the Movie going to the movie they was starring in? and who are the people watching the movie and who are the people racing at the end? it seemed simplistic, but got the job done. Maybe just needed a bit more clarity.

Lady V's verse wasn't structured very well..but in a way I felt it was lyrical as shit. A notch above in complexity than Whitz verse, and I could visually picture the story she was telling which helps. I couldn't really visualize what was happening in the other verse because I was confused and thrown off tracc a couple times.

With that being said, My Honest and Fair vote goes to: Lady V

[Hubert Cumberdale]

LadyV Wins 6 (2 votes removed)-2.

[RULE]

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