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View Full Version : 2013 GC: RD1 - Enfinite Vs FREAK_MC ~RRR~ - (Enfinite Wins 3-0)


Hubert Cumberdale
10-31-2013, 08:59 AM
Enfinite Vs FREAK_MC ~RRR~

This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship

Rules
Verses are due Friday, November 8th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic
Stick in the Mud

The Ghost of Freak
10-31-2013, 05:29 PM
UnEtH , should I post mine or do you got it? Either way is fine just as long as it gets up in time…... at least that's what she said.

-FREAK-

Hubert Cumberdale
10-31-2013, 06:12 PM
It's up to you. I'm going to leave it until the last day (or until the opponent drops) for the early due date verses to be posted by me. That way, I'm not showing the opponent your verse (which would be unfair cause fair fucks, you and a few other guys went early).

Enfinite
11-06-2013, 11:58 AM
Setting: Small neighborhood in North Dakota, early Winter.

"Stick In The Mud"

Scott's Child play's outside during the rain season,
Covered head to toe completely decked in clothes,
There's a safe reason and he let him know,
That without a mask your face freezes.
The rain resembles ice shards and crystals,
And when the wind blows on bare skin the pain stings it.
But little Thomas just plays with the stick in the mud,
Scott watches his little son riddled with fun.
Thomas giggles and runs, life seems simple to love.
Scott just smiles, then turns his back for a second,
To prepare supper but Thomas lacks the attention.
Thomas run around front, pounds to the street,
Tossed his stick across, Scott here's the sound of a jeep.
He looks out back, his son is missing,
Looks around front and sees his son running quickly,
His heart pounds like a drum, bumping tensely.
His eyes dart down the street, seeing the car,
Darting off quick, he's gonna try beating the odds.
His son looks straight in the headlights,
Scott dives right into Thomas, only to stare in his dead eyes.
The car hit them both, but Thomas killed on impact,
Scott looks down, his vision went black.

Thomas looks at mom, then turns to his dad,
"I can't believe it's been ten years since he was hurt in the crash"
Thomas didn't really die when he was struck in the road,
Hospitalized that night just having to recover some bones.
But Scott, was dealt with severe brain damage,
His thoughts replays the event since it stays active.
Everyday, same event, Thomas living and young,
Forever stuck in limbo, with the stick in the mud.

The Ghost of Freak
11-06-2013, 12:39 PM
TOPICAL GC: "Stick in the Mud"

Emergency Breakdown:
He won’t know which way to go now.

Holding on to his youth, he just don’t want to lose.
The truth is he’s already lost his loot, but acts aloof.
The living proof that we are what we choose, so who
we are has already been proved by that which we do.

Saying trite words he doesn’t even mean,
Flipping nightmares as childhood dreams
To an audience composed of mostly teens
Impossibly broke, but he keeps hoping he’s
gonna reach celebrity status & end up on t.v.

Staying still in a stasis of made up complacence.
Trying to be changing the moves that he’s making.
Only to prove that he’s vacant, jaded, and hating
his denial creating the infantile state that pains him.

The tragic hero wins, then so vain, begins his descent and fall
Stabbing heroine in his arms’ vein, while not noticing at all,
he is putting himself in harms way, blood drained & drawn.
mixing it again, injecting it right back in, before he nods off.

Frozen in Carbonite,
Close to the Afterlife,

This fuck-up is so fucked-up on that daily strife.
Sleeping on someone else’s couch every night.
Even the bed bugs just shrug off desires to bite,
don’t show no love to this real life stereotype.

He must lust for touch because he doesn’t get enough
Mr. Big Tough, All-American, Stick in the Mud.

Hubert Cumberdale
11-09-2013, 04:23 PM
Upping

Wonderbred
11-09-2013, 07:48 PM
Enfinite: You did a really good job setting the scene. The imagery and the buildup was spot on, and schemes were pretty complex but still easy to follow. The flow was almost perfect syllablically and the multis really drove it home. The twist really hit me in the gut too. Interesting interpretation of the topic, but you pulled it off well.

FREAK MC: Good concepts all around. It was really poetic in terms of imagery and vocabulary, which is a big plus in my book. That said, the flow was pretty hard to follow and seemed off at some points. I liked some of the internal rhymes but the end rhymes were mostly only one syllable, which kind of made it bland. Overall the idea had potential but you didn't quite drive it home.

Winner: Enfinite

Hubert Cumberdale
11-10-2013, 08:13 AM
Enfinite: I thought the concept was dope, but one little thing got to me. You didn't really drive home that groundhog day of events. I'm not 100% on what to pin point for it, but it was like "He's dead, he's not". Perhaps you could have made it as though the brain-dead father doesn't even know he's alive, because to him his son always dies at the end? Your wording was good throughout. Lyrically, I'd expect a slightly stronger piece from you because I know what you can do, but in the aspects of a topical this was a solid drop.

Freak: I find the first line ironic, because I felt that you didn't know which way to go. You touched on a few themes there. Lust for celebrity status, drug use and what not, but I found to quite hard to connect with what you were trying to say. I'm still not 100% on the story now. I think for your next drop, you should use the protagonist for your narrative. The "He did this" kind of format never allows for as much emotion to sink in. "I did this" allows you to say directly what you, the protagonist, feels, and not just give details of it. Your wording improved a lot here, and although the rhyming was quite simple, it helped the flow a lot.

Overall, this is a good little topical. I think one showed a higher level in a few different areas, so I'm going that way.

Enfinite Gets my Vote

ELOH STACKz
11-12-2013, 10:59 PM
Enfinite: I like how you set the scene, used your words to paint a full picture. Your rhymes were smooth, setups relevant, even though it got a little confusing towards the end after you introduced the plot twist. I didn't really get your "stick in the mud reference either. Solid verse though, nice drop.

Freak: I feel like you could have won this battle if you would've switched your approach. I feel like you tried so hard to drop as many rhymes in there as possible, that it took away from your story line. You didn't really address the topic at hand. I feel you though, I probably wouldn't know what to do with "Stick in the mud" either, Lol...

Vote: Enfinite

Enfinite
11-12-2013, 11:24 PM
If it helps at all ELOH_STACKz the reference of the story was the last thing Scott remembers was his son playing in the backyard with a muddy stick. So as his brain replays the event the only thing he remembers is his son playing with a stick in the mud.

Hubert Cumberdale
11-13-2013, 04:55 AM
Enfinite Wins 3-0

RULE
01-05-2020, 05:02 AM
added

tbm