2013 GC: RD1 - Lockhart Vs ~FingerPrince~ - (~FingerPrince~ Wins 3-0)

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Lockhart Vs ~FingerPrince~

This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship

Rules
Verses are due Friday, November 8th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic
The Superhero

[Hubert Cumberdale]

~FingerPrince~'s Verse

Yielding The Characteristics Of a Human w/ Abilities Hidden;
The Protector Of Humility, Men, Women And Children;
One Who Can Obliterate The Flaws Of The Poverty Striccen;
And Will Only Expose Their True Position When The Law Breaker Commences;
Before This Helpless Woman Can Scream? Or The Burglar Can Finish His Sentence?
'The Superhero' Appears Vehemently To Ensure That Justice is Properly Replenished;
I Remember It Was 5:46, Dark Skies and The Sun Was Down;
I Heard The Glass Crash, And Mags Blast! I Had To Turn Around;
All I Saw Was Blacc Masks and Trash Bags Followed By Commands To Lay Upon the Ground;
I Think I Heard a Fag Gasp When a Vast Flash Clashed Covered By A Thunder Sound!;
Then Out Of a Cloud Of Smoke, The Proudest Bloke, Embellished The Loudest Quotes. Scaring The Shit Outta Folks! He Said:...
'Everyone Stay Calm! Gentlemen Please Drop You Weapons!;
They Looked Taking Abacc And Bereaved And Proceed To Squeeze Their Wessons!
[Bullets Fly] But The Vest On His Chest Deflects Their Directions In Seconds!!;
The Assault Continues To No Avail! Bodily Injury Was Poorly Supplied!;
With One Failed Swoop Of His Hand? The Enemies Ceased Disturbing The Peace Until the Proper Authorities Arrived;
After Its Understood and Revised That Every Soul Was Unharmed and Survived?;
'The Superhero', With His Chin Lifted Aims For the Sky, And Leaves Without Glorification Or Retaining a Prize;
Closing Notes, Whoever Said a Hero's Job Is Overrated, Prolly Hates It Cuz He's Just Another Supervillian That Never Made It....-The SuperHero

[Lockhart]

I estimate you picture leviathans.
Monumental figures that are bigger than measurement.
Other's pause and stand in awe at renders of letters sent.
To dismember jaws and put an end to competitors.

I myself? A gladiator, I'll slash you with blades.
Futuristic plasmic grenades will make an ash of your frame.
I am Death's new driver
I take control of Massacre's reigns.
Even if I wasn't taught to go and splatter your brains
upon a platter or pane.

I laugh at your pain. You weep,
look how little you've suffered
In the corner? Prone position? What a pitiful structure.
I've nothing to prove, I know in my pit that I'm tougher.
But how do I explain my actions when I sit with my mother?

I spit and I mutter, "You carried me through tougher times, but how could you accept without stressing, cause when other's find I've destroyed weak ploys, it leads them all to shudder. I..." she grinned, "I repent, but did you not know that your mother's kind?"

"You'll always be my son, no matter how you splinter spine
flesh, for that all fades 'way, you're made to stay when you enter my nest."
It is cold about, you know how winter might get,
but heroes never change, forever staying in your mindset."

---------- Post added at 07:57 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:57 PM ----------

You're welcome UnEtH

[Joe MuGGz]

Nice..

[Enfinite]

Alright. I enjoyed both reads.
Prince, your vocab was nice. At times I felt you focused a little too much on vocab, but it came out nice. Your flow had it's up and downs, the larger the syllable count per line makes it harder to flow unless you're matching each syllable exactly. Your story was straight forward, I felt there could of been more in the imagery department, but overall I felt it was a good verse.

Lock, I liked the story. Your vocab could be worked on more, you had decent amount but in comparison to Prince it wasn't enough. It's not just about the amount of vocab guys, its HOW you use your vocab. In terms of flow Lock it was similar to Princes, good in some spots, but as you guys stretched the syllables it became choppier. Try to keep syllables between 10 and 15 per line. Imagery was about the same as princes. When it comes down to each category, you guys were pretty similar, but I think Prince is going to edge this due to having a bit more in the story.

MVGT: Prince

[ELOH STACKz]

^^^ agree with Enf.

Vote: "Mr. Purple Rain" himself, Lol... Prince

[ET the Refugee]

Close call. Locks started out real slick but fell off towards the end. It had a real nice flow but i couldn't really tell where you were trying to go with the story. Prince while very basic with the story rm telling had a better flow and multi usage. Plus the ending was much more impressive as far as creativity. Good shit from both. But i gotta go this way.. ......

Winner: Fingerprince

[Sean Cron]

This was a close one for me, they were both pretty different. I felt like lock had some interesting stuff going on as far as meaning and imagery, especially in the second paragraph. But his verse seemed a bit lighter content wise. Fingerprince had a better narrative and some good imagery. You both had good vocab, I felt fingers narrative carried some weight and he had a better ending because it was a little more of a crisp conclusion.

MVGT: FingerPrince

[Hubert Cumberdale]

~FingerPrince~ Wins 3-0

[RULE]

added

tbm