Dirty Work (2-1) Vs Dissizit (1-0) - (Dirty Work Wins 3-0)

[Hubert Cumberdale]

This match up is part of The Inkwell PPV.
. . .
Main Card Match Up
Dirty Work Vs Dissizit

Topic: The Sad Clown

Good Luck.

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Dirty Work

The Sad Clown

"So, what brings you here?"

"Quite long after the sun, I rose today,
Another morning squandered, time thrown away.
Exhausted by treks through abhorrent life stages,
Feeling too weak to turn one more of life's pages,
I swiftly imbibed to chase these feelings away.
But a stupor would no longer keep these at bay.
I stand before you with unsolvable problems,
Drowning in lava beyond a rock bottom."


"I see... Can you tell me about your childhood?"

"Spawned by a scarlet girl, destined for disaster-
Spurned by a rambling man, sent from stork a bastard-
Effects of physical abuse, I hurdled with ease.
What I could not overcome was the verbal disease.
With such evil words incanted repeatedly,
My family's sickness had planted a seed in me.
At length I found laughter, a thing to hide behind at last.
Never, from that day forward, have I resigned that mask."


"Is there any hope, doc?"

"Believe it or not, this isn't precedence or new.
I happen to have in mind just the medicine for you.
What I'm about to suggest may seem sort of nutty,
But for months I've been researching for a study.
It involves a man, or more properly, a prodigy,
And the incredible healing properties of comedy.
He's a comic, able to stop your run of such woes
I'll prescribe for you tickets to some of the shows"


"Hmmm... So you really think this guy can help me?"

"Well, I'll be honest, I've not yet seen him perform,
But all my patients who have are complete in reform.
The jokes he tells are so profoundly hilarious
That they snuff out pain, even the most nefarious.
Infectiously happy, he spreads a mental wealth.
A powerful example of better mental health.
His name is Jerry Jackson. Go, begin mending yourself.
He's in town tonight, I'll be attending as well."


"You're laughing... You've found humor in our session, I see"
"I gave your staff a false name... You don't recognize me?"
"Well it's your first time here, so of course my answer's no"
" I am Jerry Jackson... I guess I'll see you at the show"


Vs


Dissizit

The Sad Clown

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b126/Holice205/SADCLWN_zps17438165.jpg (http://s18.photobucket.com/user/Holice205/media/SADCLWN_zps17438165.jpg.html)

The circus hired me to entirely Inspired dweebs
I'm the powder faced entertainment slave to society
How can a clown have a divine existence?
I the one whole juggles balls around while guys just kick it
the one whole squirts water from my flower in the eye of dimwits
The one who's wheeling the tri-cycle by the midgets
after the disguised magicians ... day after day I wonder why Im in this
No one cares about a fuckin clown, Im the laughing-stock
I should be business suit down owning my own land and having stock
wonder if I had a talent or ability to support my financial stability
I think bout how my past is just killin me, as days pass with agility
why didn't I go to college... passing classes chugging glasses on top of a waste bin
Instead I spent my days locked In a basement
Til a I got this arrangement ... for me to wear big shoes n rock a red-nose
Every night after work I'm spaced out with my Head froze .
Or maybe its just my minimal hope
is starting playing cynical jokes
Illusions got my visuals broke
maybe I could visit a pope
sit in that confession booth and ask if his giving some hope
before I'm gripping a rope .... It'll be my last time hanging out
see that's the type of shit i think about ....
why couldn't my life flow smoothly as the water on the earth
I should of been that one shaking hands on the corner of the church
putting the opposite of everything I thought up in this verse
I wish my whole damn life was brought up in reverse!
people tell me, the circus will always be a stable place
as tears smudge up this facial paint
I perform another a act ... and as laughs drown to a flat sound
I think .. I'm just a sad clown in Lifes background :-(

[Revan]

Good battle here. Both had a few fundamental issues that threw me a little. DW there were parts of the flow that didnt seem to work for me, i had to stop and re-read a few times to get back into it, Dissizit a couple typos had a similar effect during your verse. keep an eye on that in the future. I think overall one impressed me more on multiple levels. Conceptually, visually and emotionally. Both have areas to work on, but i have a solid winner here.

MVGT: Dirty Work.

[Dono]

As a topical writer, my main draw is the story. I feel like Dirty work had a better overall story here, though I saw the twist coming a decent way before the actual reveal and the details could be flushed out a little better. Diss, I felt your flow and multi structure was a bit better but the story didn't have enough emotional pull to make up for the rather straightforward storyline.

Both should look into polishing their wording. Some of the phrases sound weird and some of them are obviously just there to rhyme. Keep on keepin on.

Vote to Dirty Work.

[Aggo]

Dirty Work: The story here was good but much like Dono said, I saw the end coming from almost the very beginning. I do like what you did and how you structured everything and I think the idea was cool but I was not surprised at the end at all and I would have liked to have been. I also feel like because I saw the twist coming that you missed an opportunity to really throw a curveball and put a spin on the twist that would have me being led one way and then destroy my expectations.

Dizzizit: I didn't feel like your writing style fit your protagonist very well. I also definitely got more of an angry clown feel than a sad clown feel and I just wasn't really jivin with the verse. I was also let down by the story. It was more a description or an inner monologue about "where did I go wrong". It didn't really go anywhere, while that can be ok sometimes, in these battles the story is what usually hooks the reader and gets the votes.

MVGT: DirtyWork

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Dirty Work WINS 3-0

[RULE]

tbm
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