HariZon (0-1) Vs Lockhart (1-0) - (HariZon Wins 5-2)

[Hubert Cumberdale]

This match up is part of The Inkwell PPV.
. . .
Prelim Match Up
HaRizon Vs Lockhart

Topic:

http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/336/f/7/water_under_the_bridge_by_joakimolofsson-d5mudmy.jpg

Good Luck.

[Denton]

Both verses had their pro's and cons.

Harizon - You displayed exceptional vocabulary and well stanza'd verses that rolled fluently off the tongue. Your story played out well and really grasped my attention. Your imagery was good but it can always be improved by focusing things on little details here and there to suck the reader in. But overall a great read.

Lockhart - Your approach was a bit unorthadox but I could fux with it. I didn't feel it was detailed enough though. I had to read 2-3 times to understand your POV and concept. Your vocab could use some work and it flowed sort of like a battle. Good Stanza structure however. Touch up here and there on your details.

Winner - Harizon

[Jam Jar]

Here goes.

Harizon - I feel I've got to disagree with XK about your use of vocabulary. Some of the words themselves are just good words and on surface level, it can look like a really impressive topical BUT - not being a dick here - I'm not sure you know what the words mean, or how to use them in a grammatically correct structure. An example.

An anarchy that none can ever protrude w/ out losing in shame,
Darkness; an aspect in which we make adjacent with names.
I am reading it again and again, and it is literal nonsense. You have a good vocabulary but only to the extent that you put some good words into the box - the artistry kind of stopped there.

Lockhart - I read your first two lines feeling surprised that even after reading the flaws in Harizon's, I felt I was going to have to give him the win because it starts so so forced with the 'kid' interjection, which doesn't seem to gel with the mood of the narration. But, as I read on more and more with yours, elements became stronger. The multies and the rhythm were consistent and pulsing, which made it very readable. You could picture the words being said, and it was quite authentic.


I agree that Lockhart's is not the most complex use of language, but I think this battle indicates that it is better to be too simple than too complex because at least if you have the solid but simple foundations of poetry in place, your end product makes sense.

No hate whatsoever to Harizon - I'm a huge advocate of complex vocab, when it is appropriate - and I would just say you should get some ideas going in the lab and work on your grammar structures.

Fairsies as always, - I give this to Lockhart.

[Hubert Cumberdale]

HarIzon, I found it a little bit hard to really understand where you were going here. I don't know who the protagonist was, and have not heard of his story before. The way you wrote it, with shadowed meaning, didn't really click as much with me. Sometimes these pieces are best, because the reader is allowed the ability to interoperate what the piece is about. With this, I don't really feel that you allowed us too many stones to stand on. I didn't manage to make a cohesive plotline myself. Your wording is brilliant though. You were really wise in some of your choices, and although I didn't feel that the storytelling was the best, I was really into your style of writing and think you excel in that area. The one last downfall to me is the lyricism. At times, you brought a very simplistic rhyme scheme, with a set of words that could easily be put together with a bit more of an impressive match. You opted to go with a lot of one syllable schemes, which was little lacklustre at times imo.

Lockhart, the story to me seemed clear, but I found it quite hard to fully go along with. I got cops looking for Governor Smith, then some boat references, then some people in Hummers arrived and killed the cops, then the protagonist, being revealed to be Governor Smith, appeared. Then something to do with his son? I just found a lot of little components were not made clear. While the rhyming was good, I wasn't feeling the flow too much. You had some quite extended sentences. Some people like to match the syllables in one line to the next line. I don't pay TOO much attention to it, but I try and stay aware of it.

Overall, I think both have some aspects they could work on. I'd like to see a little bit of clearer storytelling from both. I know HarIzon has a great topical in him, as I've read them, and Lockhart is up and coming but he shows some ideas with twists in his story which is a very hard aspect to adapt. Overall, I think one showed some better "writing" skills here.

HariZon GETS MY VOTE

[Aggo]

I gotta cosign some of Jam's thoughts about Harizon's vocab. He used good vocabulary but in a matter that had me really disjointed from any story and I found myself unable to connect with the verse as a whole.

Lockheart left some things to be desired in the vocab and style but told a story that I could follow and connect with in some way and at the end of the verse I felt more satisfaction for reading it than I did with Harizon's, therefore...

Lockheart gets my vote

[Revan]

Man the two styles couldnt of been more different. HarIzon the poetic qualities were fantastic and the vocab was really nice too see. There were moments when it was a little TOO much, you dont want your pieces becoming a display rather than a definitive work. Lock you went for the storytelling style, the story itself was fairly good and enjoyable. I found some of the wording a little off, a touch unnatural that kinda drew me out of the story. So keep an eye on that in future. Its always hard to judge two pieces that are so different stylistically but after reading them both i definately found one's to be the more memorable and as an extension: better overall.

MVGT: HarIzon.

[Black Book]

Just a quick expo because I'm watching my Georgia Bulldogs vs. Clemson...
HariZon, it was hard to follow somewhat but it had some dope elements. If you would have just made it a bit clearer storyline-wise, this piece would have been a lot better. Lockhart, your piece was solid but there was nothing special. Just decent overall.
I'm giving my vote to HaRizon just because he had a better overall piece despite his story being a bit unclear.

[Murderous Swag]

Harizon-I felt like your picture you painted with words actually had me mentally in the scene yall were given for a topic.Your use of vocabulary was excellent props

lockhart-I felt like ultimately your approach at this topic was a bit basic,I felt like u took the picture for exactly what it was instead of thinking outside the box about it.

sorry for the short expos fellas im lazy lol
but with that being said Ive got horizon as my clear winner here

[Hubert Cumberdale]

HariZon WINS 5-2

[RULE]

tbm
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