Dissizit vs. Streetz Da Hood - (Dissizit Wins 3-0)

[Black Book]

Dissizit vs. Streetz Da Hood


Topic
Each battler will pick their own picture to write their piece on.


Line Limit: 20-40 Lines
Due Date: One Week From Now (August 4th)
Voting: First To 5 or 3-0 K.O.



Good luck Dissizit and Streetz Da Hood.

[Streetz De Hood]

Check. Goodluck Diz...

[Phracture]

Good luck Streetz ..... Check n Mate

[Phracture]

The Door to the New World

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b126/Holice205/DoorToTheNewWorld_zpsf0140a44.jpg (http://s18.photobucket.com/user/Holice205/media/DoorToTheNewWorld_zpsf0140a44.jpg.html)

Tired of running, When will the Human blindfold be removed
I pieced the clues, we the fools who believe in Schools
Controlled by evil dudes who need to prove
they have the capabilities to keep us glued .
Entertainment is the new shack's and cuffs
The mastery of the subconscious mind, they grabbed enough
I'm the only one who feels like a slave.. I'm baffled as fuck
We're in the governments barnyard and the cattle is Us .
But there's a inner door that opens the mind
Just focus, In time you'll be Awoken Divine
you'll notice the shrines that leave us un-focused & blind.
You wont understand where your Soul Remains
Until you see your Soul's remains
Yeah they may own the game, mold and tame
But I hold the cheat codes for Brains .
For the poor it pours hopelessness
They clipped wings but if it's sore to soar don't resist
when opportunity knocks and a force want you to close the shit
Just remember this,
Don't adore A door Open it .

[Streetz De Hood]

Innocent Thigh's Demise
by: Streetz Da Hood
http://www.electricsheepmagazine.co.uk/reviews/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/review_Deep_Red.jpg

In this bed, alcoholic demons dance for an audience of tears

And guilty walls do nothing but echo his voice thru her ears

Small fingers grab sheets, these sympathetic linens

Help doesn’t exist, and pain makes hours out of minutes



This child’s smile long gone, migrated to the past

While this man stands over top, the devil must laugh

Strong hands, in places most doctors don’t touch

Her soul dies again, as if the last time wasn’t enough



A father and daughter, bonded by deceit

Flames of sadness burn her heart to pieces as they inevitably meet

Body parts engaged in formidable games

Where she’s been an unwilling player since the earliest age



She closes her eyes and begs her brain to imagine things sweeter

But her reality becomes nightmare’s most sought after teacher

Shadows witness by default her stomach-wrenching doom

As this, a too familiar episode, broadcasts again in her room



Her heart autographed by molestation’s pen

She’s hell’s memorabilia, her little wings never had a chance to ascend

The woman-to-be inside has long ago bled out in her mind

Sadly, she’s forever this child, a child with innocent thighs


---------- Post added at 02:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:07 PM ----------

*Edited for spelling error.

[Los]

This was really close, i really enjoyed both reads. i think u both had moments where the verses were flawless, i like the play on words dissizit did (sore/soar, soul remains/soul's remains, etc). i also liked the detailed descriptions streetz da hood did, brought the verse to life.
read this a few times, and i think ill give it to: dissizit

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Dissizit, I didn't like how you were mainly touching on the illuminate/government topics, but I was glad you didn't mention it directly. It allowed some people to interoperate what you were talking about, although I feel this was def the topic at hand. The rhyming was alright, nothing too bad to speak of throughout the whole piece. I really liked the sore to soar line. That kind of wordplay is something I was trying out for a while which I want to get back into.

Streetz Da Hood, I felt a lot of the time it seemed that your syllables, specifically on a second line, were way too long and it was killing the flow. This might work with some internal rhyme schemes, but in the style you used, I wasn't a huge fan. I thought the story was a bit basic too. You had 3 stanzas of "sadness", and then in the end a molestation story. People tend to jump at these topics because they are the easiest to draw emotion out of.

Overall, it's a close enough one. While my loser had the better imager, I think the winner had all the other writing techniques down. Neither really had original stories however.

Dissizit GETS MY VOTE

[Black Book]

Dissizit: Your piece was interesting. Like EtH, I didn't like the Illuminati kind of direction but you did sort of add a twist to it. The metaphors were very nice. The final meaning to the piece was good and the "adore a door" shit was nice.

Streetz Da Hood: You took a very unoriginal and predictable route. Like EtH said, you didn't have much to the story except a lot of imagery of sadness then revealing she was being molested even though that was pretty obvious the whole piece. It wasn't a bad piece; it just wasn't good.

OVERALL: Dissizit gets my vote because of better originality and his metaphors were really dope.

[Streetz De Hood]

Just wanted to get my feet wet in the topical game... Good one diz... We'll have to pop off another in the future.

[Phracture]

Just wanted to get my feet wet in the topical game... Good one diz... We'll have to pop off another in the future.

most def bro !

[RULE]

tbm added