I'll return feed to anything in response

[RakishHeir]

here is the first sixteen to a track about my religious outlook

enjoy thanks in advance,
your friendly poltergeist

falling.. I didn't understand the ground
now I'm on it crawling, searching for my crown
all four praying, they say you gotta fall in
but as I always say don't ever fall for it
I fall forwards, towards the ground crawling
they say once you find it just go on n' crawl in
I'm going all in, no stopping me now
or I mean you better stop me now before my feet hit the ground
and then I'm taking off running
I made some bad decisions but I learned from them
no directions, no clues on where I'm heading
trying to find myself on the cross between intersections
bare witness to the madness, it's depressing
I searched hard as fuck for an answer to the question
they told me it'd be life long, be back in a minute
my only fears that the end is the same as the beginning

[Baron Mynd]

Not bad. Real easy to follow. When I first read that it was with a 'religious' outlook I thought the worst, because unless you say something different or take a fresh spin on it, topics like that have been done to death.

I was glad you went against that, took the more personal route.

I felt the last six lines ended stronger than the first six, anchored the verse well, the cross/intersection concept was dope - I'd have probably tried to flesh that idea out more, took up 3-4 lines with it possibly and developed it into more than a stand alone line.

The closing line was cool too, nice was to round it out.

Keep that pen moving!

[RakishHeir]

thanks for checking this out I really appreciate it anything you want me to check out now or in the future feel free to direct me to it.