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View Full Version : Dono vs _Lizman_ OPEN FOR VOTES!!!


IV
03-22-2012, 10:02 PM
Dono vs _Lizman_

House rules apply. Any questions, contact me.

Check ins are due Saturday (March 24th) at 11.59PM EST
Verses are due Tuesday (March 27th) at 11.59PM EST

A BIRDS PERSPECTIVE
As we're approaching the final stages the topics are getting more challenging. Your task is to write a 20-60 lines verse about anything you like from the perspective of a bird.

Topic chosen by previous Topical Champion Jason!

Line length; 20-60 lines
3-0 K.O or first to 5 votes

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

Dono
03-23-2012, 04:52 AM
Checkit....

IV
03-24-2012, 10:55 AM
_Lizman_ check in before midnight or you will be replaced

Lizman
03-24-2012, 10:31 PM
Check In

Dono
03-26-2012, 06:56 PM
A BIRDS PERSPECTIVE

They call me bird but I don't really feel bird like
This place I'm in feels more oppressive than the Third Reich
See they clipped both my wings, now I'm unable to fly
And really at this point it would be fatal to try
Never thought about the details or why I'm alive
I was doing my own thing, I just try to survive
But I guess it was too much, caught the eye of someone
The moment The Man saw me there, I was undone
He caught me, knocked me down, I was placed in captivity
Forced in with others, the place raced with activity
The birds living here were mixed and different colors
There were cool cats, big dogs, and dissonant others
My ignorant brothers attempt violence down the chain
So we're strictly confined and that's how we shall remain
Stuck, immobile, powerless, helpless, trapped, contained
The basic desire for freedom, even that's constrained
The others assimilate, find paths to integrate
I watch the bird group, to live I have to imitate
It's just......sometimes this cage rattles my nerves
See circular bars and wanna battle the curves
Frustrated, feel like exploding from the mental pressure
The ability to speak is my central pleasure
I'm skilled at it, better than most in this lock down
Talk now! The Man tells me when and lets me walk 'round
But I'm getting tired, sick of saying the words I know
They don't listen they just think that this -bird's a show-
The man wants me to work at petty acts, give then give more
My future, empty and bleak, got nothing to live for
So I'm tying a noose, suicide my only elective
I'm sick of lookin at life from a jail bird's perspective

TalkSick
03-27-2012, 12:58 AM
Or DONT PM it to me you wench!!!!!!

Lizman
03-28-2012, 01:40 AM
I Had My Verse In Time But I Forgot To Submit
Ah Well

IV
03-28-2012, 08:41 AM
the round is extended until 11.59pm gmt tonight

Lizman
03-28-2012, 06:53 PM
Ah Shit
I Cant Find My Submission
And Its Like 5 Minutes To Go
Fuck It; Ill Drop Smtn Else In A Sec

IV
03-28-2012, 06:59 PM
This round will open until i'm home from college tomorrow at 7PM my time. Please submit your verse by then.

Lizman
03-28-2012, 07:22 PM
In Sure And Certain Hope Of The Resurrection To Eternal Life, We Commit His Body To The Ground; Earth To Earth, Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dust



I Am A King, A Bird, On A Righteous Throne, The Vices, Devices, I Rightfully Own
The Pitch, The Tone, I Mightly Hone, The Wings, The Bones, That Frightfully Shone
The Limbs In Clones, On A Nightly Gnome, A Witch, A Crone, That Climbed The Stones
A Switch To The Stove, An Enlightened Blow, The Fish Enclosed I Tightly Grope
The Animals Bow To Me, The Lion Is King, But The Lion Still A Cat To Lies I Bring
To The Fights For Eternal Life, To The Cries Of Kins, To The Rise Of My Flies, To The Lightning Wings
I'm The Sign Of Eternal Time, So I'm Obliged To Sing, The Chimes Of A Millennia, To The Wise Men Then
To The Ties Of My Hind, To Decline Within, To Let Me Fly To The Skies, And Lie With Jinns
I Was Born To A Baby That Was Born To Me, That Was Torn To A Lady When It Was Worn And Weak
I Was Forlorn And Crazy, The Crest Horned And Beat, The Chest Adorned And Lazy, Detest Scorned My Beak
The Flesh Gored And Basically Forced To Meet, The Tests, Morbidly Obese Chefs Adjourned To Eat
So As A Horse I Leaped, To The Remorse Of Sheep That Wore Wolves Vest To Bull Hats As Scores The Deeds
Countless Shipments Fought For Me, The Thought Of Another Brought To Shore, Like Morse To Me
The Dashes And The Short Longings, Like A Source For Me To Keep Me Tamed In A Vain That I Endorsed As Heat
The Diminishing Gods, Were The Thoughts As Leaves, Sticks And Stones That Wont Break My Bones For The Course Of Peace
All Bores To Me, The Ape And The Man, The Apple That Fell From The Tree And Became A Bran
The Level That Went From Defeat To Reign As Fan, The Shackles That Held Me For Weeks Were An Age For Men
I Settled Down In A Tree And Flamed, Detained In Grams, Slayed Not By Them But By My Space Of Sense
My State In A Day A Freight Of Base And Ash, There Lay An Egg, Paint In Black
The Egg Brakes In Halves And There Lays A Wreck, A Shrek That Will Gladly Awake As Death
I'm A Phoenix, Here I Lay, Ash To Ash

Dono
03-28-2012, 08:04 PM
Yo props to actually dropping.

Good luck.

B U R D E N
03-29-2012, 06:16 PM
Rhyming Scheme/Flow- i liked Liz's flow n think he did a bit better here
Vocabulary- Liz
Topic/Meaning- Dono..
Storytelling/Progression- Dono..
Emotion- Dono
Imagery- Dono
Poetic Techniques- Liz
Ending- Dono

My vote goes to Dono.. Liz has a style of writing that i dont really get and imo Dono was more on topic and had a better verse here. There were some spots like flow n vocab that Liz got.. imo but my votes in. :high:

Lizman
03-30-2012, 01:31 AM
Thats Cool
Good That I Didn't Went Ham On This Or You Wouldn't Have Given Me Any Points :)

B U R D E N
03-30-2012, 02:38 AM
what a surprise ..Lizman doesn't agree with a vote.

Lizman
03-30-2012, 01:05 PM
What A Surprise
Madverbs, Whose Best Cypher Doesn't Even Touch My Worst, Is Unable To Understand My Lines

Erupt da Monsta
03-30-2012, 02:30 PM
Rhyming Scheme/Flow-Liz
Vocabulary-Liz
Topic/Meaning-Dono
Storytelling/Progression-dono
Emotion-dono
Imagery-dono
Poetic Techniques-Liz
Ending-dono


this was actually pretty close, the winner got this with the ending and the overall storyline. pz/

B U R D E N
03-30-2012, 06:30 PM
Lmao ..i bet you actually believe that shit too.

Lizman
03-30-2012, 08:41 PM
Prove Me Wrong

Just C
03-30-2012, 10:33 PM
This is why I said no, Verity.

AfterThought
03-31-2012, 05:23 AM
Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Lizman
Vocabulary - Lizman
Topic/Meaning - Dono
Storytelling/Progression - Dono
Emotion - Lizman
Imagery - Dono
Poetic Techniques - Dono
Ending - Dono
So my vote goes to Dono, this was close, I really enjoyed both reads but one seemed more meaningful.

Lizman
03-31-2012, 08:14 AM
Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Lizman
Vocabulary - Lizman
Topic/Meaning - Tie
Storytelling/Progression - Tie
Emotion - Dono
Imagery - Dono
Poetic Techniques - Lizman
Ending - Dono


Its A Tie
Wooooo

IV
03-31-2012, 11:09 AM
Dono wins via 3-0 knockout! Congrats and good luck in the semi finals!

Hubert Cumberdale
07-31-2013, 09:11 PM
Bump for formatting.

RULE
01-05-2020, 04:46 AM
tbm

added