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View Full Version : TalkSick vs NelSyn (Round 1) NelSyn wins!


IV
03-02-2012, 01:52 PM
TalkSick vs NelSyn

House rules apply. Any questions, contact me.

Check ins are due Monday (March 5th) at 11.59PM EST
Verses are due Friday (March 9th) at 11.59PM EST

Line length; 20-60 lines
3-0 K.O or first to 5 votes

Your image is from Alien. Interpret your picture in any way you see fit!

http://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i449/VeeSWEngland/alien.jpg

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

NelSyn
03-03-2012, 12:20 AM
Here's my check..g'luck Talk.

Dono
03-03-2012, 03:28 AM
Damn it! I'd have loved to have this picture. Good luck fellas.

TalkSick
03-03-2012, 09:03 PM
check check check

NelSyn
03-05-2012, 09:44 AM
Sector Z

A place never discovered, until the great war left it to fucking Recover..
more mythical then the creatures of Area Fifty One,
but here it don't matter if you want some Risky Fun.
The sign on the door says, "Enter at Own Risk", they don't believe it, they go in,
& it'll Sever their Bones Quick.
Nobody knows what dwells in the Depths of the sector, actions more horrific, then that of Lector's.
Hannibal the Cannibal got nothing on this evil...
slice your Mandible & Clavicle, then there's litterally nothing for these people - Venom,
the part that Hurts the worse, w/ pain unfathomed like a Virgin Birth,
the opposite of a Surgeon's Versed..
It has a very small stature w/ a Very big bite, never scared to murder,
not scared to fight. Never back-down, not the type to flight.
It enjoys the smell of blood & Dying Humans, & even it's actions are quite unhuman.
As years pass the demon gets Stronger & more Demented
No one has ever Comprehended, or knows what it Intended.
But, as more time passes a man finally Reaches the middle..
Of Sector Z, He sees the demons spawning, he's Speechless; their crippled..
The cold man feels empathy for that which is brittle..
Cuz in it's race it's discarded..though this man was Retarded..
For he fell for the trick, that they cleverly started.

[3 years later]

A young man hoping for the Apocolypse..
Got alot of Confidence, w/ not a lot of Competence..
He tries to play it like Politics, lie & sneak his way through..
He's killed the second the doors opened..
No time to Speak his way through..
The beast is almost fully grown, almost 8 feet tall,
It's victims, white, black, Women or Men..
& no one who enters will be Leaving Again..
It's a fearless Savage, don't bother finding a passage..
& don't think this is someone Rhyming on Acid..
It's a real story of Dying in Masses
& being covered in 'Dirt Brown' w/out Fucking Moleasses.


g'luck talk..:high:

IV
03-09-2012, 08:23 AM
Good work NelSyn

TalkSick there will be an extension til 11.59PM on Sunday, please drop your verse by then

TalkSick
03-11-2012, 01:27 PM
Droppin tonight

IV
03-11-2012, 01:44 PM
TalkSick if you don't, i'm leaving DPs and it's going to be all your fault

TalkSick
03-11-2012, 03:29 PM
TalkSick if you don't, i'm leaving DPs and it's going to be all your fault
As soon as i get off work lol sheeesh! Women! Lol

TalkSick
03-11-2012, 07:15 PM
....I collapse on the table
As it started to rip corpse, Ribs open like French doors
Blood spews with volcanic proportions as well
....I cannot stand to live anymore. I shall die by myself

The story i shall tell and un-fold for thee
Is one of un-told beliefs
To make the un-told....believe....

It began with an intergalactic mark
Too my surprise, it seem'd to be hardly far
The Closer it got, the more i watched
and i watched...
It seem'd to hopscotch from star to star

It HAS arrived...
AS IT HAMMERD IN THE SIDE,
My crew turns weak,
I SEE THE PANIC IN THEIR EYES,
AS I SCREAAAM "THE DAMAGE WILL SUBSIDE!"

But, I Was Wrong....

...IT has torn apart the overdrive!

The power has been severed,
I roam the halls, lit with flares
I spot the being to the left,
I was met with a blank stare.

His eyes glow red.

I felt complexd by its exoticness
...Before i could cry for help, It lunged at my esophagus
I had no choice but to ingest swine
It is flowing through my intestines.

I stumble back to the control room.

I slowly sat down at the table
My health is so un-stable
My crew wounders my well-being
This pain is so un-bearable...

What i tell you is true...

In pain, i yelled at my crew to leave the room
Jesus Christ i shall be seeing you soon,
For this pain in my stomach,
Is pain i CANNOT stomach

I collapse on the table...

NelSyn
03-11-2012, 09:01 PM
Finally! People vote please!

IV
03-12-2012, 04:40 AM
Thanks for both submitting! Open for votes! Good luck!

B U R D E N
03-12-2012, 05:39 AM
Rhyming Scheme/Flow- Talk
Vocabulary- NelSyn.. TS had some good vocab too but NelSyn got it
Topic/Meaning- NelSyn
Storytelling/Progression- NelSyn
Emotion- imo Talk Edged it
Imagery- NelSyn
Poetic Techniques- i think Talk stood out a little more here
Ending- NelSyn

Both were good.. no doubt. NelSyn seemed to have a better ending which helped him get this win if you ask me. Good read for sure :high:

Revan
03-12-2012, 10:39 AM
Rhyming Scheme/Flow - TalkSick
Vocabulary - TalkSick
Topic/Meaning - NelSyn
Storytelling/Progression - NelSyn
Emotion - TalkSick
Imagery - TIE
Poetic Techniques - NelSyn
Ending - TIE

After reading i came down to a simple feeling from both verses. Silk - I think you were overwhelmed by your choice of techniques, in simple terms i think you werent skilled enough to pull of your intended execution, and as a side note you had some really forced rhymes which hurt your verse hard. Talk - You were the opposite, i think you executed it well but you didnt break as much ground or attempt to like Silk did. To me Silk SHOULD of took it but too many issued in his execution led me to go with Talk's better executed verse.

MVGT: TalkSick.

NelSyn
03-13-2012, 12:10 AM
1-1 keep 'em coming!

IV
03-13-2012, 04:32 AM
As the votes are split so far, first to 5 votes wins

TalkSick
03-13-2012, 08:41 PM
bump bump bmo

Prose_
03-13-2012, 09:12 PM
Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow- Nelson, more complex scheme with smoother flow slightly
Vocabulary- this one goes to Nelson. higher syllable count and less simpleness in his multies.
Topic/Meaning- Talksick really gave me the image of the creature with the man lying unconscious from start to finish. really was on top of the meaning.
Storytelling/Progression- this one is a tie. one explain the events of a man walking into a room looking at horrors in just but a few lines and progressed it easily to years later in again just a few lines without overdoing it. the other displayed great action progression.
Emotion- this one is a tie. again it a kind of deepness vs. action and emotion doesnt neccessarily mean which topical verse is more sadder.
Imagery- have to swing this to Talk. he described the environment of the scene more indepthly
Poetic Techniques- Nelson felt a few rhyming schemes and a similie or two edged it.
Ending- Nelson his was less cliche.

overall looking at my rubric id say Nelsyn got this. was a great battle.

-RED-BARON-
03-13-2012, 09:29 PM
Voting -
RHYME SCHEME/FLOW - TALKSICK
VOCABULARY - NELSON
TOPIC/MEANING - NELSON - this was a hard one to follow, it was a pretty in depth story, almost summarized the movie in his own twisted metaphoric ways.
STORY TELLING/PROGRESSION - NELSON - he gave a whole background story describing the creatures way of being, and used metaphors to describe the planet as well as death.
EMOTION - TALK SICK
IMAGERY - TALK SICK
POETIC TECHNIQUES - Nelson had me feeling more 'as if I was placed in the situation' whereas the other starts at being close to death and ends being close to death.
ENDING - NELSON, his originality and use of metaphors to describe the situation at the end worked for him.

I READ BOTH THESE 4 TIMES EACH. IT WAS REALLY NECK N' NECK..
but Overall NELSON got it with the in depth background story/descriptions using metaphors.

GREAT BATTLE BOTH OF YOU, I REALLY ENJOYED READING THEM n VOTING ON MY FIRST TOPICAL BATTLE.

IV
03-14-2012, 08:14 PM
Going to close the round with 3-1 to NelSyn. Nelsyn wins! TalkSick will be first reserve for any drop outs from the tournament. Good battle/

Hubert Cumberdale
07-31-2013, 08:59 PM
Bump for formatting.

RULE
01-04-2020, 06:29 PM
added

tbm