V3numb vs FAME (Round 1) FAME wins!

[IV]

V3numb vs FAME

House rules apply. Any questions, contact me.

Check ins are due Monday (March 5th) at 11.59PM EST
Verses are due Friday (March 9th) at 11.59PM EST

Line length; 20-60 lines
3-0 K.O or first to 5 votes

Your picture is from Dawn Of The Dead. Interpret your topic in any way you see fit!

http://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i449/VeeSWEngland/Dawn-of-Dead_l.jpg

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

[ItsNaturill]

checking in

[IV]

V3numb check in by Monday at 11.59pm EST please or risk being replaced

[V3numb]

nike mark swagg.. (Check)

[IV]

V3numb NaturIll there will be an extension til 11.59PM on Sunday, please drop your verse by then

[FAME]

checking in and writing now... stay tuned.

---------- Post added 03-12-2012 at 12:40 AM ---------- Previous post was 03-11-2012 at 11:44 PM ----------



I've never done a topical before, So I thought I would battle the guy in the pic,
He's got his mouth wide open coz the faggot is dying for dick,
That queer should have thought about who he was trying to give head to,
Coz if he got on his knees in front of me, I would have put a machete in his head too,
He's got a look on his face that says he is tremendously amazed,
Either that, or, he's just shocked at how much of a twat he looks with ketchup on his face,
You know he aint loving camel toe, more like hugging massive blokes,
Coz no girl would touch him with his red lipstick and fuckin Jacko nose,
All day long he just chews sweets and gulps coke down,
That's why the ugly cunt only has two teeth in his whole mouth,
In case you were wondering, there's a reason his skin is so white and pale as fuck,
And it aint because he don't be catching rays of sun... He just bathes in cum,
There's an old tale that states "semen is good for you if you let it sink into your skin,"
Its obviously a farce though, as man still has some pimples on his chin,
And I know the garment he's wearing looks like a white tea towel, but coz the fucker bathes in cum,
I wouldn't be surprised if it was a hoodie made of spunk,
His mouth is permanently like that, it was caused by an accident from a dick tasting,
Faggots be warned, this is what happens when you put a penis in your mouth and the wind changes,
But I gotta feel sorry for him, having a knife in your skull has got to be stressful,
Although I guess he doesn't mind.... He's used to taking shots to the temple.

[V3numb]

~Walks slowly dragging machete~

*Screams of metal against concrete cry out in the moonlight*


its hard to grasp the evil within
mental disorders lose control yet its feeble to win
god cases judgement on all including.. people that sin..
sparks fly out as blades lighting the curb
the good in myself cant conquer to attain fighting the urge
kill pawns out front like ~lawn chess~ unity of a ~conscious~ that lack despiteing a merge..
freddy got nothing on this nightmare cause um slaying streets over Elm
overpower victims with strength when the weak overwhelm
they dead even if they head leaks holding a helm..
the dead dont speak when they skinned alive.. talk'in bout hides spoken
screem for forgivness when i rip jaws apart n they mouth wide open
i crush dreams and burst spleens its relative means to say they doubt yet tried hoping
the fire with'in isnt enough to warm the blade of my cold flame tips
laying a trail of corpses till my eternal foes are fainted
im in need of psychiatric help cause my nogin's soul is tainted
emotions explain senses of feelings and frowns share those
when i throw them face first into the wall and like coke addicts nostrils blood runs down their nose
before the spirits levitate their retinals gaze and lock eyes
looking me in the face shivering tazed with shocked surprise
im a dick u can say severing heads of birds.. its a shame they try to escape yet cocks dont fly
lifeless cases of body wraps as cart boys at work bag it
fighting myself to fight others when casualties are layed out tragic
wreaking of blood and death when evil fuels me is havoc
yet the way i make lives "disappear" is magic..








~keystyle~ (just to get it out for V x/ )

[IV]

Open for votes!! Thanks for both submitting and good luck!

[IV]

Thanks for both submitting, going to keep this short.

Voting Rubix

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - V3numb - Flowed better.
Vocabulary - V3numb - More vocab used.
Topic/Meaning - FAME - Unpredictable approach, controversial yet creative.
Storytelling/Progression - FAME - Think it progressed faster.
Emotion - Tie - Not much emotion used in either.
Imagery - FAME - Could picture his verse a lot better.
Poetic Techniques - Tie - Neither really used any poetic techniques (repetition, alliteration etc)
Ending - FAME - I just liked the comedy of it.

Overall MVGT - FAME - Tbh a lot of people are put off topical battles because they're always so depressing and predictable and deep etc, I just think that FAME bought a new approach to topical battling. By having a rap battle with the guy in the picture is was completely unexpected and original and bought comedy to the topical arena. It's all about creativity and I think that FAME made this his battle. V you had good grammar and I liked where you were going with it, but I think some of you vocab was thrown in for a more 'complex' affect and didn't really fit with your verse, some of it didn't make too much sense and a couple of things made me think 'wtf' if you see what I mean? I know it was keystyled and thanks for submitting though. Both of you submitted last minute and I'm really grateful you made the effort.

[Fiji Osa]

Glad You Keeping The Tourney Going ..
Voting Rubix

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - V3numb - More To The Topical Style
Vocabulary - V3numb - Better Overall
Topic/Meaning - Tie - Both Came In Different Directions w/ There Piece
Storytelling/Progression - FAME - Only Cos It Was Shorter
Emotion - N/A - Due To Lack Of
Imagery - Tie - Borh Knew What There Were Writing Bout
Poetic Techniques - N/A
Ending - FAME -

Overall MVGT - V3 tbh

[Catharsis]

Rhyming Scheme/Flow: Close, but V3numb had a little more flow imo.

Vocabulary: Neither went out of the box, but V3 had more grammatical errors and words that were either misspelled or just used incorrectly... so Imma say FAME in this one.

Topic/Meaning: Another close one, Imo FAME had a clearer representation of the pic, as odd of an angle as it was that he decided to take.

Storytelling/Progression: Neither really showed any storytelling or much progression. Tie

Emotion: If I had to pick one I'd say V3numb, the murderous emotion is slightly stronger than humor as far as a topical goes.

Imagery: FAME actually painted more pictures visually IMO.

Poetic Techniques: Tied at zero.

Ending: FAME.

Overall FAME gets my vote.
V3numb had what might be a more traditional topical drop, but I think even he knows he rushed it a little too much and it lacked the elements needed for the W. If he would have taken a little more time and incorporated a clearer story and more poetic techniques I'd say he would have swept it with as odd of an angle FAME decided to take.

Votes in....

[IV]

Split votes, first to 5 wins

[NelSyn]

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - V3NUMB he had a much smoother read, & a better rhyming structure..
Vocabulary - FAME a much broader & more unique choices of words.
Topic/Meaning - V3NUMB - It honestly seemed like V3NUMB better potrayed the pic.
Storytelling/Progression - V3NUMB - He did a better job at portraying the story creatively
Emotion - V3NUMB - A stronger concept for the emotion to build
Imagery - FAME - Honestly put a clearer image in my head..
Poetic Techniques TIE - Neither really had any.
Ending FAME - Less traditional & much more creative

MVGT: V3numb because of his emotional concepts & a lot more complex then his opponant

[RhetoriK]

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Fame
True to form v3numb maintained a better overall flow. This helped his stock overall. Fame did well, but had more falters.
Vocabulary
Tie
So I deferred to word use and how well vocabulary was used in context. Fame too this category (also see Catharsis's expo)

Topic/Meaning
v3numb
This came down to 'meaning well' vs a meaning. I don't think either excelled in this aspect, but one seemed more commited to an angle and stuck with it regardless of how traditional it might have been

Storytelling/Progression
Fame
One was a descriptive piece where the other was geared toward a storyline. Difficult, but without looking at both side by side there was a clear edge. One thing writers have to take into consideration when writing topicals is that when you get overly descriptive it can take your storyline off track. Because he was more basic as far as storyline, Fame got this category.

Emotion
v3numb
it's not hard to do what Fame did in this category. It was pretty much one-dimensional. v3numb did a decent job here, but i think that other categories suffered because of his over-emphasis here.

Imagery
Fame
Overall just a more vivid piece. V3numb one got so internal that it kinda bottled the spirit of writing about a horror based theme.

Poetic Techniques
v3numb
Based on number of attempts. Neither really took it there...

Ending
Fame
Yeah. The whole thing was just a neatly wrapped package. A Clear cut beginning, middle and end.

Overall
Fame-
This was def. a first round matchup. Both could have done 10x better, and the angle/gimmick Fame took won't last long in this kind of tournament. With all things considered, his angle did work for him on this subject and he's technically sound enough to pull it off. On a deeper subject this would be considered a failure.

V3numb-
Same as above. I think he was really trying to break out this battle, but got really caught up in individual ideas as opposed to the entire picture. I'd like to see him develop some more pieces in the future. He really went after the poetics and imagery, but got lost in translation when trying to find that end-game.

Props to both...not the greatest topical battle, but in the end the stats lead toward the final vote:

Fame

[lllllllllllll]

Rhyming Scheme/Flow:V3numb Was on point at more spots.
Vocabulary:V3numb Just used way more vocabulary and he also made it work sorta sorta.
Topic/Meaning:FAME was def. really creative especially the opener. Was fresh as hell imo.
Storytelling/Progression:FAME Other sorta lacked this category in his verse.
Emotion:V3Numb Just the way his was set up made him win this for me. Altho it wasn't much emotion on either side.
Imagery:Have to say both tbqh. Both was on point throughout the entire battle and i was really feelin it.
Poetic Techniques:Same as the ones above. Neither used PT
Ending:FAME Was fresher imo.

Vote's FAME

[IV]

4-2 FAME. Closing early as I want this round closed! FAME wins! V3numb will be second reserve for any drops outs. Good battle/

[V3numb]

gz bro gl ahead..........

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Bump for formatting.

[RULE]

added

tbm