Just C vs My Rigga!

[Just C]

http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_details.php?section=tb&id=424271

[RiGGA]

bump...I'm gettin slapped as usual but if anyone cares to tell me exactly wtf is wrong with my 8 this time I'd really appreciate it..It's discouraging as shit to constantly take L's but hopefully there's progress being made...

[Óðinn]

Imma be straight with ya RiGGA.. your bars are basic (to put it politely) even if it was in Audio and had a dope delivery, they'd still be.. eh?... Conceptually wise, your NOT that bad (i've seen way worse, trust me) but you have a lot to improve in every category.. I'll give a very small/quick breakdown...


Look at Just C's opening line:

Rigga ya gettin froggy but never left ya pad

^A played-ish concept, but still a nice metaphor/punchline as the froggy reference goes with the pad.. Lilly Pad's/Frogs be on Lilly pads.. So he's making sense

Look at Your opening line:

Now shit, this is a battle I can 'come to respect', but dont think I'm rattled cuz you 'thump wit ya neck'

The first half ok-ish if it was actually leading into something better/relevant.. but you followed nothing but a multi as your 'punchline'.. dont think im rattled cuz you 'thump wit ya neck'<< One, your concept & execution of it was poor.. I would (if i was going for the 'rattle' ish) would of related to either a baby or a snake, as then the 'rattle' would become relevant..

Your whole verse seem's more like a bad Audio freestyle... your focusing to much on making words rhyme rather than actually saying anything..

Every build up line has to be relevant to the punch.. No good saying things like yO i put 'gun to fool' when im 'done with you' Open a Present..

Better off with something like...

if we were to 'Fight in Person' this vegetable wouldn't 'Turn Up/Turnip im Certain' cos he JUST A CABBAGE!!
^In this line, the Vegetable build up reference goes well as it relate's to the punchline CABBAGE.. as well as the wordplay too...

You've quite a long bit to go, but i've no problem giving ya some pointers via IM..

Hope this help's ya.. Peace

[RiGGA]

I don't get it, how is calling someone a cabbage nice though??? Just because it's relevant that makes it dope?? So I can say shit like

"This lame couldn't jump if he wanted to, cuz he's a broke white man!"

I mean it makes sense because "white men can't jump", lame in a physical sense is like broke, and people who are lame/handicapped really can't jump if they wanted to. Tie in to the fact that I'm also saying This lame wouldn't jump hard, as in get tough and it makes perfect sense.

Is this what you niggas consider a good bar? Cuz real talk it took me 15 seconds to think this shit up and if that's what it takes to win then I have possessed the ability to craft punches all along I just didn't know cats were so easily pleased...

By the way I appreciate you choosing to help, that's all I've ever really been asking for lol..

[Óðinn]

I don't get it, how is calling someone a cabbage nice though??? Just because it's relevant that makes it dope?? So I can say shit like

"This lame couldn't jump if he wanted to, cuz he's a broke white man!"

I mean it makes sense because "white men can't jump", lame in a physical sense is like broke, and people who are lame/handicapped really can't jump if they wanted to. Tie in to the fact that I'm also saying This lame wouldn't jump hard, as in get tough and it makes perfect sense.

Is this what you niggas consider a good bar? Cuz real talk it took me 15 seconds to think this shit up and if that's what it takes to win I possessed the ability to craft punches all along I just didn't know cats were so easily pleased...

By the way I appreciate you choosing to help, that's all I've ever really been asking for lol..

racist much??:mad: and there is a wide range of handicap symptoms dude... you neve watch/seen or hear of the Specially Olympics.. Your making your self look real bad man... Real Bad.. Its not about how much time you spend on the bar... its how you execute the concept & deliver the bar.. Granted the Cabbage piece might not have been the BEST example to use, but it was first thing that sprung to mind...
CABBAGE as in mentally handicapped/Affraid... aint seen a cabbage turnip/turn up to a fight in person have ya?? cos i aint.. it was a quick ass example, an i never once said the line was Dope...

[Óðinn]

White man Cant jump?? See if you've the same 'Lace of Thoughts' when im jumpin up an down on your head....

[RiGGA]

White man Cant jump?? See if you've the same 'Lace of Thoughts' when im jumpin up an down on your head....

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/6d/White_men_cant_jump.jpg/220px-White_men_cant_jump.jpg

Why u mad?? It's a movie....yo u cant be from the U.S. if you didn't get that reference...and we call those people "vegetables" not "cabbages", but I suppose it can pass. And come on dog you reaching tryna destroy my bar like that. If you want to reach I can reach back because "broke" can mean anything, whether a nigga got a broke body (missing ligaments) or a broke brain (mental illness). Why y'all niggas love to discredit everything I do yo I don't understand that shit...Like come on man you mean to tell me that bar was really that bad? Because if so I legitimately am lost at creating a punchline.

[Óðinn]

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/6d/White_men_cant_jump.jpg/220px-White_men_cant_jump.jpg

Why u mad?? It's a movie....yo u cant be from the U.S. if you didn't get that reference...and we call those people "vegetables" not "cabbages", but I suppose it can pass. And come on dog you reaching tryna destroy my bar like that. If you want to reach I can reach back because "broke" can mean anything, whether a nigga got a broke body (missing ligaments) or a broke brain (mental illness). Why y'all niggas love to discredit everything I do yo I don't understand that shit...Like come on man you mean to tell me that bar was really that bad? Because if so I legitimately am lost at creating a punchline.

What, you think Films an t.v only exist's in America??.... And plus you didnt use the movie reference in that line, you STATED "White Men Can't Jump" with nothing to do with Woody Harrelson in it at all... So there for a Racist remark dude...

What is a cabbage? Its a Fucking Vegetable... the whole line was Vegetable referenced... Turn up=Turnip and there's many slang phrase's for handicap ppl, to which Cabbage is one..

No one's "hating" on you, but if your looking for help, dont thro it back in the face of the person who's fucking given it to you...

[RiGGA]

im not tryna throw it back in your face, i just honestly thought I did what you said, and to me it seem like you tryna play me saying more destructive shit than constructive shit talkin bout "You're making yourself look real bad" nigga thanks??? How does that help me understand what the problem is??

And damn so in a punchline EVERYTHING must be explained or its not good?? So the name of a movie can't be referenced without naming an actor i mean wtf? So if I were to say something like

In his hometown we squared up and rather than let the trigga blast, I take him back to his Roots and straight whip this nigga ass

It's wack because I didn't mention Kunta???? I'm not tryna be an asshole I'm just lost b

[Óðinn]

You didn't make a punchline numb nuts, you made a Statement...

Constructive Criticism: no body ever get's better/improve's being molly coddled... You need bad points to be pointed out, so you can see em, and then say, damn aiight.. *back to the drawing board i go* an fix them... If its a smile and some pleasant conversation your looking for, use FaceBook... if its Battles and improving ya battle rap skills, your at the right place...

Just cos i aint gonna hold ya hand to cross the road, dont mean i wont help lead ya across..

[RiGGA]

You didn't make a punchline numb nuts, you made a Statement...

Constructive Criticism: no body ever get's better/improve's being molly coddled... You need bad points to be pointed out, so you can see em, and then say, damn aiight.. *back to the drawing board i go* an fix them... If its a smile and some pleasant conversation your looking for, use FaceBook... if its Battles and improving ya battle rap skills, your at the right place...

Just cos i aint gonna hold ya hand to cross the road, dont mean i wont help lead ya across..

Is the red in reference to the white men thing or the roots one?

[Óðinn]

You lack the Basic Writing skills.. Correct wording/usage of the right words... If you can not differentiate between making a Statement to a Punchline... You've some serious work to to do... I mean its Basic writing 101 dude... Like i said, i'd be more than happy to help you out... Your on my IM contacts, feel free to hit me up with any questions or w/e...Im not gonna go back n forth in this thread.. There's no need for it... Peace!!

[Anonymous Poet]

"This lame couldn't jump if he wanted to, cuz he's a broke white man!"


Blake Griffin.

NBA Slam Dunk Contest Winner.

White Man.

Peace

[IV]

EVERYBODY, PUT DOWN YOUR RACE CARDS....

That movie is dope and i got the wordplay in it. If that line was racist, then so is the whole movie.

[RiGGA]

Blake Griffin.

NBA Slam Dunk Contest Winner.

White Man.

Peace

His father is black.

Peace

[Revan]

My face hurts again.

[Anonymous Poet]

His father is black.

Peace

is he black himself?

Not really. So you still making racist statements

[RiGGA]

is he black himself?

Not really. So you still making racist statements

Are you fucking retarded??? Yes he's black himself, the fuck?

So Obama white too huh?

[RiGGA]

2 hours left to vote, let's get it guys!