Topical Tournament Round 4: DonoTheGod (winner) vs Mind Fuck (loser)

[Ill Phenom]

TOPICAL TOURNAMENT 2011 ROUND 4

DonoTheGod (http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/member.php?u=879211) Vs Mind Fuck (http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/member.php?u=866857)

House Rules Apply. Any questions, contact me.

CHECK INS ARE DUE THURSDAY (10-13-11) AT 11:59PM EST. VERSES ARE DUE SATURDAY (10-15-11) AT 11:59PM. EST. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Line Length: 20-50 lines.
First To 5 Votes

http://wgtccdn.wegotthiscovered.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/american-horror-story-clue5-lying-down.jpg

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

GOOD LUCK

[Mind Fuck]

check

:high:

[Dono]

checkkkkk....

[Mind Fuck]

http://wgtccdn.wegotthiscovered.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/american-horror-story-clue5-lying-down.jpg

What Have I Become

From the first second I Walked in that rave I was Caught in a haze so no precaution was payed when I seen that ass in the most Hypnotic of sways, Soon as I Got up to say..*Pause in embrace*... She just told me she liked to get yanked by the Knots in her braids getting doggy-styled anal in a Coffin or grave w/ my fists En-lodged in her face.... My only question was "can we Pop off at ya place?!"
Was NOT prepared when Mind Opened the door, lace bandage & Ropes on the floors. Next to em what appears to be a Frozen up corpse Of a Soaking wet whore... I plowed in that cold pussy like a Boat on the shore. Hit the slab til her Clothes were just torn & her Holes were all worn.. Then my satanic mistress appeared whispering, "I Know you want more"...

I walked in the red room... Is this what I Think I Can See? Her gesturing towards me w/ a Gimp on a leash, fuck it i'm Risking the leap next thing you know we Twist in the sheets I was busting it open staring at the gimp just Licking his teeth... For some reason it doesn't Sickening me, Just went from the pink to the stink and started Hitting it geeked without Missing a beat! Wasn't planning on becoming a leather head necrophiliac tonight, but Mission complete. She bent over backwards on the ceiling like a Gymnists elite defying gravity while Spitting on me... To some this is a nightmare but i'm Living my dream.

The walls imitated that Lust that was freed, burgundy red over my head telling me this the type of fetish that Cuts and it bleeds & When shes on top of Mind I can feel it Thrusting in me and it witheres into my Gut to go breed. My whole life was leading to this night, Something unleashed that can't be formed verbally in the Tongues of my speech...
Intimate eyes then withered and died, So i started fucking her pussy with Scissors near by & Ripped up her thighs. Then hit the Gimp in the side cringing with pride, before this Wasn't inside & I Want it disguised...

[Dono]

http://wgtccdn.wegotthiscovered.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/american-horror-story-clue5-lying-down.jpg

I awake, wonder where am I? This is a strange place
Retrace steps, can't remember how I got in this cage space
The room is small and all the walls are crimson colored
Then my vision fluttered while my prison shuttered
I came to realize the room was actually alive
What was I doing here? Could I magically survive?
It was my only hope, I tried to plot an escape
Hope it was not a mistake, kicked walls, thought it would break
They wouldn't budge, I got nervous, my efforts were worthless
Starting screaming for help but the sound bursts were wordless
Frustrated, I sat still waiting for an answer to appear
Later, a figure presented in the manner of a sphere
Out stepped a man in black, he brought all my panic back
I recognized him, he's the one who plans attacks
I lunged toward him wildly, punching, landed a frantic smack
But he took it with ease, then let out a manic laugh
You know what I came for, it's always the same story
You don't take care of yourself at all, don't claim "poor me"
He melted into the floor then fell from the low ceiling
I tried to argue my case but he had no feeling
As I cry in agony he's floating and laughing
Puts out a hand, sudden pressure, my throat is collapsing
My hands at my neck, I need a gasp of oxygen
He lets my throat free as his grasp is wanderin
I try to run away, I'll take any form of escape
He's standing right behind me I feel the storm at my nape
I hit a wall, he's there, shoves me hard, I hit the ground
Slides out of the wall and stands, as his hands fit around
My stomach and this time I thought I could escape...just....maybe.....
I knew when he arrived he came to take my baby
I saw this image right before my first miscarriage
Partied, drank and smoked, the actual act of birth disparaged
Pressure against my stomach until it caused collapse
The sides of the room caved in and started to crack
As the man in black came down the wall and crept inside
I could feel the exact moment the child wept and died
When I first woke up, I was my own child in the red room
And my ignorance toward life is what caused my dead womb

[Dono]

I messed up when I copy/pasted it so I edited the line in.

If that's a problem lemme know and I'll take it back out.

[ozark]

Rhyme scheme/flow- DONO- tbh both were really choppy and hard to pick up in
places- yet dono did enough for me to follow along with out having to retrace more often-
vocab- this was a tie- both used the same callibur wording- it was good though from both-
Topic meaning- this was also a tie- yall both went in 2 totally diff directions here- i enjoyed both meanings-
Story telling- DONO- both came with story type topicals- but one slightly eded it imo! Wat edged was a bit easier to follow through out-
Imagery- MF easy cata- although dono took the storry telling- MF deatiled his topic more vividly, but thats wat took away from his flow-
Emotion- dono- his verse was just meant to be more emtional imo!!! While MF just had a sick verse lol-
Poetic technique- MF- gets this cata with his imagery- and wording- poetic technique does not necessarily mean it rhymes or flows better-
Ending- dono- his verse ended weird but i didnt expect that- and it was over when it was over- didnt leave me asking questions- MF his just ended- didnt really leave me at peace with the verse-

MVGT DONO THE GOD- this was a good spar- i feel both rushed here- and lost sight of the rubix- but there were high points also- good shit fellas and good luck to the winner next round-

[RhetoriK]

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Both were a little wordy in places. I think MF had the better flow. I think that the compact format of Dono's worked against him in the cadence aspect.

Vocabulary - Dono's context was the selling point for me. I think MF's overall scope was dope, but it was lacking some innuendo's to make it a hotter read all together. And with a 50 line stipend, I'm sure he could have been much more descriptive.

Topic/Meaning - I was partial to one topic because of the potential it had, but on an end-to-end comparison, they both really shined. I'll call this one a tie because it's deeper than just to topic that decided the battle.

Storytelling/Progression - As even as it was execution-wise, I think stylistically I'm leaning toward Dono simply because it flipped my wig a little more when his plot twisted. It's an attribute of good writers when the reader is on the edge of being bored with the expository and they change the tide of the story in an instant. GOOOOD SHIT.

Emotion - MF was stronger here. And I'll tell you why.. It was more the originality of his sentiment here. Dono's was strong indeed, however if I were to summarize the two into a phrase "Tragic Loss Of A Child" and "Whips, Chains, And Necrophilia, Whoot!" Both were believable and dope though.

Imagery - MF. Even with the limited vocab, he still painted a vivid picture, dono's was more of a crescendo, he pulled out the big guns as he neared completion. I think MF's kept me more locked in.

Poetic Techniques - Dono spun better consistency and you could feel the downward spiral from the choke on. MF's was more like a straight up rap verse, which is fine, but yeah.. i have to give Dono the edge.

Ending - Dono. MF's was a straigh read-through with beginning middle and end. I like that Dono left a little up to interpretation. A beginning, middle, and end that SETUP THE NEXT BIT. You kind of start to think about the main character when all's said and done.

Overall Vote = Dono the God by a hair... I'd love to see MF expound on that concept though, probably one of the most original angles taken this go-around.

Ups to both.

[Revan]

Rhyming Scheme/Flow: Fuck

Vocabulary: Dono

Topic/Meaning: Dono

Storytelling/Progression: Dono

Emotion: Dono

Imagery: Fuck

Poetic Techniques: Dono

Ending: Dono

MVGT: Dono

Kept it short and sweet as Rhetoriks breakdown in particular mirrored my own closely and i'd just be repeating. MF was more entertaining, Dono had a deeper drop that was more thought-provoking. Catagories make it look more one sided than it was imo, personally i was feeling one drop a touch more.

[Mz JP]

wow. super cool shit. talented writers up in this bish.

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Bump for formatting.

[RULE]

tbm added