TOPICAL TOURNAMENT RD 2: Strange1(loser) vs Black-Book(Winner) 3-0 KO

[Ill Phenom]

TOPICAL TOURNAMENT 2011 ROUND 2

Strange1 (http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/member.php?u=868137) Vs Black-Book (http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/member.php?u=873600)

House Rules Apply. Any questions, contact me.

CHECK INS ARE DUE WEDNESDAY (09-28-11) AT 11:59PM EST. VERSES ARE DUE SATURDAY (10-01-11) AT 11:59PM. EST. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Line Length: 20-40 lines.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/173/426028415_ed807c1981.jpg

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

GOOD LUCK

[BFNE CEO™]

Checkin in......lets get it....G'LUCK Book!!!!!!

[ozark]

Im anxious to see boths poetic perception of this photo- gl yall- I think this is gonna b one of the better match ups-

[Black Book]

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/173/426028415_ed807c1981.jpg

Living To Ride, Riding To Die
I remember being young & thinking profound thoughts. I saw the older kids go down blocks, around shops, & bringing them to my favorite playground spots.
Oh, how I envied! See, I was intrigued with how the wheels spin, speed, handlebars, & seat.
I remember when I held a bike for the first time & thought, "The greatest thing on Earth's mine!" Little did I know this type of ride was the worse kind.
It started on a one-way lane. I had a bravado about me! It was just fun; a game. I was on top of the world riding through the Sunday rain, but when Monday came, something changed.
The road progressed into a slope. The bike began to smoke. My breathing became erratic, it felt like the works of a stroke.
My lungs strained with every pedal committed, but I couldn't stop. I was addicted. My internal organs became acidic. Still I couldn't find the strength to quit it.
The road was now almost a 90° angle. I found each breathe I breathed painful. God was near; I could see angels because by then I had began to wheeze; strangle.
Then the bike errupted. My life was in jeopardy & disrupted. I had so many more important things, but now I had very little time to budget.
The flames surrounded me like penitentiary bars. I was half on this world, half in the stars. From my rise, to comfort, to fall, the bike played many parts.
The bike was the cigarettes that made me asthmatic, & the ride was the states of my lungs; so tragic.
The flames on the bike is the lung cancer. & my fate? There's only one answer: It's time for me to leave behind the Sun and Earth.

[BFNE CEO™]

[QUOTE=Black-Book;685855]http://farm1.static.flickr.com/173/426028415_ed807c1981.jpg

[CENTER]Self-Immolation
(New Age Thích Quảng Đức)

as i walked outta my dorm i seen a dark form
it was a guy.... in a shirt and tie i'd never seen before
he had a bible in his hand and next to him a gas can
i wasnt shocked i simply thought he was just a stranded man
he started reading scripture and praising his lord
above me came on the light fixture i turned facing the door
more and more people stopped to listen to his praise
i looked at my friend and said "it's just one of them days
it was cold so i zipped up my coat and pulled the colar to my neck
this guy was bold he flipped through folds and stopped to reflect
he read things i never heard before some in different dialect
then he began to speak of his religion and how people defile it

(He said)
"people are afraid of what they do not know
i would never tell anyone that my beliefs are the way to go
i only tell them what good it does for me
i explain to them the joys of my beliefs
i pray that people would have some understanding
but all we get is a descriminative underhanding
from the citezens and the government that dont like who we pray to
i come here to say this.... and say this to you"

He stated that he is loyal to his god and loyal to his church
i thought it was odd but i never imagined this getting any worse
he said he was here to express his love in a protest
like Thich Quang Duc (Theeck Kwang Duck) a vietnamese buddhist
i saw that picture from siagon, i remember the scene
in fact it was an album cover for Rage Against The Machine
in a bergade Roman Cathlics degrade the monks religion
they didnt share the bare esintials or the same religous vision
burning himself to death was Thich's decsion
just as it was in this situation of hate and religous collision
the guy poured gas from his head to his feet tonight
he pulled from his pocket a device to light
himself ablaze it was a horrific sight
then he climbed on top of his mountain bike
never screamed never cried never asked for help
i stood shocked and shaking tryin to imagine what he felt
the bike stopped and toppled people gocked and oggled
the site of a suicide that seemed unstopable
he knew his death he was facin for his cause it was a life not wastin
for him it was pride inside for him it was self-immolation






(Self-immolation refers to setting oneself on fire, often as a form of protest or for the purposes of martyrdom or suicide. It has centuries-long traditions in some cultures, while in modern times it has become a type of radical political protest. Michael Biggs compiled a list of 533 self-immolations reported in Western media from the 1960s to 2002)


check out this link to see who Thích Quảng Đức is!!!

Thich Quang Duc - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Dizz Da Dogg]

Catsweep Black Book.

[Ill Phenom]

still 0-0 need expo and/or categorical vote.

[Ill Phenom]

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Tie - Both your guys flow was decent
Vocabulary - Strange - This was a close cat but strange slighty took the upperhand IMO
Topic/Meaning - Book - Liked strange's self immolation concept he brought to the picture but metaphorically, I was really liking books "Lung Cancer" in relation to riding the bike.
Storytelling/Progression - Strange - His verse seemed to progress through the story a bit more, felt is transitions were a bit better.
Emotion - Book - I felt the emotion all around that. The not wanted to stop riding the bike as it was tearing him apart, The addiction, and the meta to the lung cancer.
Imagery - Book - Another close cat because strange described many aspects of his between zipping the coat, the light fixture above, he painted the picture of what was going on around him. Book on the other hand, I enjoyed your imagery alot in this piece, one of my favorite drops from you. Best part was describing everything after the bike hit the slope.
Poetic Techniques - Book - Because of the metaphor.
Ending - Tie - Very close. Finding the meaning in book's about the lung cancer at the ending, I felt could have been portrayed better, but the concept of that almost got him this cat. I felt that strange put a good end to his, not many flaws with the way he ended it.

BOOK GMV - Overall I felt he brought a bit more creativity to the stage here. His imagery and emotion were outstanding between riding the bike and describing what was going on with his lungs and organs. It was a very very nice metaphor. Strange I liked your drop also. I felt using the topic of self-immulotion, that you could have put a little twist in your story and make it more dramatic or bring the suspense up a little bit, so the reader could have more emotion to connect to your drop. This was a great read though from both participants.

[Dono]

MVGT - Black Book

I felt like BB had a stronger emotional and metaphorical drop. You're not upping the level of your topicals however, this felt almost exactly the same as the last drop I saw from you. A metaphor that mostly lines up but not quite and a roughly worded statement of the true meaning at the end. I think you have some serious potential but I would like to see you get out of your comfort zone and stop following the same formula over and over.
Strange, not a bad drop. It was pretty straightforward. I didn't understand a couple of the plot points. For example why would a priest get on a mountain bike to burn himself as a sign of protest? Not saying that it's an impossibility, just illogical. Your the story was more developed and consistent than BB's but lacking the emotional levels.

Keep it up guys.

[RhetoriK]

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - STRANGE1
Vocabulary - STRANGE1
Topic/Meaning - Black Book
Storytelling/Progression - Black Book
Emotion - Black Book
Imagery - Black Book
Poetic Techniques - Black Book
Ending - STRANGE1

Analysis - Strange had a pretty vivid scheme throughout the piece, he carried it well. Book took a more poetic method, and did well but categorically, S1 excelled more. S1's vocab usage was deeper. He even vesseled Chineese teminology with good context. The overall endgame was stronge with Black Books storyline. I think his actually hit home more for me but from a writer's point of view his was a bit more multi-faceted and tied together well. Strong showing from both. Another great read. Hope to see either in the following rounds

Vote - Black Book

[BFNE CEO™]

i see that this is a knock out so imma post.......@DonoTheGod i never said anything about him being a priest.....it was implied he was just all about his religion and the fact that it is being downgraded by society. Thanx for all your honest feed back and votes........GOOD DROP BOOK!!!!!!

[Ill Phenom]

Stay up Strange. This was def. one of the better battles this round.

[BFNE CEO™]

thanx yo........imma still keep up as much as possible on this tourney and hit me up when the next one takes off.........

[Ill Phenom]

Alright Strange. I will keep you informed.

[Dono]

i see that this is a knock out so imma post.......@DonoTheGod i never said anything about him being a priest.....it was implied he was just all about his religion and the fact that it is being downgraded by society. Thanx for all your honest feed back and votes........GOOD DROP BOOK!!!!!!

That was a wording error on my part, my bad.

I just meant that a bike and religion don't really seem to connect.

Basically all I was saying is that there were some points you could have tied in better to the picture to make a more logical storyline. Blackbook had some of the same issues.

[Savage Capone]

Dono.... lol. i know this is old as hell but i had to say it.... witnesses and mormon's ride bikes.... but i do understand your point, i didnt make the bike situation apparent enough at the beginning for it to make enough since when i brought it in....

[RULE]

tbm

added