Round 1: erupt- Vs LOQuence Triss (erupt- Wins Via 3-0 KO)

[UnEtHıCaL]

erupt- (http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/member.php?u=864255) Vs LOQuence Triss (http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/member.php?u=873847)
Letsbeef Topical Tournament 2011 Round 1

House Rules Apply. Any questions, contact me.

CHECK INS ARE DUE FRIDAY (09-16-11) AT 11:59PM PST. VERSES ARE DUE WEDNESDAY (09-21-11) AT 11:59PM. NO EXCEPTIONS.
(Note: Deadlines are 1 week due to Sandman's tournament round. Other rounds will be shorter)

Line Length: 20-40 lines.

http://morethandice.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/screaming20zombie1.jpg

Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

GOOD LUCK

[LOQ]

Check..................:violent:

[Erupt da Monsta]

check. just saw this was up

[MAN DOWN]

Worn Out But Still Walking*
Inspired By True People

Chapter 1: The cause of many chills-sent-through-his-bones looking back on those ridiculous-clones living-a-lie he feels-isn't-right like these
promiscuous-hoes not thinking bout problems a pregnancy-could-hold..attached to the spec in her stomach guess quick what fucking decision-she-chose.. nine months times up doctors gotta make an incision-below the moment of happiness is gone in an instant-you-know! Cuz now the daddy of this bastard bitch-dips-to-go with everybody feeling like there living-alone/
Chapter 2:
Don't think the grass is greener on the other side muthafuckas die no matter if you're a kid-or-you-grown cuz lunatics just do the killings-to-boast now the family of lil sean finds out he actually wasn't the victim of gripping-the-chrome so lets see what happens when news reporters follow-the-mom to the possible-spot her children-knew-home/... Stress in her mind she's ready to lie like leave F.B.I.. he's innocent-no, they reply when your sons sentenced-you'll-know.. but it's without visiting-so he's entitled to one call and it counts even if you'ont pick-up-the-phone and don't forget the press silently saying give me an interview-hoe! On tv she's defending-her-own flesh and blood like he did it cuz it's what the hood "fit-ins"-promote/
Final Chapter:
From being afraid to sleep where it's only safe to keep the door to ya living-rooms-closed to having a broken family cuz you couldn't resist in stripping-ya-clothes it's only more than normal for an
individual-to-cope and search for something just to give them a little-of-hope while*scientists digging-up-skulls tryna get under ya skin-to-the-bones by means of disproving-those*unclear distanced-figures that represents-and-pictures-that-most religions-are-different-But-close up the righteous-meaning of needing in a higher-being is persistent-in-them-fasho/*

[MAN DOWN]

Can someone still tell me how I did? Even tho I get an auto dq win...

[IAmFlow]

He still has until tonight to post and if its a noshow put it in the writers block.

[MAN DOWN]

Oops my bad...lol I just read the top

[Dono]

Can someone still tell me how I did? Even tho I get an auto dq win...

If he doesn't drop after it closes send me a pm and I'll critique it for you.

Otherwise I'll probably be dropping a vote.

[Erupt da Monsta]

im writin now

[Erupt da Monsta]

wait i thought i was battlin loq?

[Reznov]

wait i thought i was battlin loq?

Loq n splat

one in the same

[Erupt da Monsta]

Whoever said hell wasnt hell must of been a hellovaguy/
im tellin you guys when lucifer fell from the sky impaled in his side was enough gasoline to melt through the sky/
Well atleast thats how i felt when i died.
I left the morge with logic/ Used to have perfect teeth been underneath the earth for weeks in urgent need of an orthadontist/ With sword in pocket i planed my escape from these depths while the lord was watchin placin his bets like some sort of auction// Every night feels like day every day feels like night/ Shouldve choose the rightous of ways instead of slangin the white//
Its so hot down here I could cook dope on the pavement/ Wait a minute, this isnt the coldest of places & on the road to this nation of soldiers and plantiffs I managed to hide some coke in the train bed// I wonder if the devil snorts or if he use's the needle instead?/ Ive always had a hustlers mentality to muster up salary let me ponder a bit cause the way that im 'bakin' it shouldnt be hard to conjur up bread// First things first I have to get to the train but of course theres alot of shit in my way/ So I stuck a stick into flames to pave the quickest of pace through this menacing plane//
Along the way i met the Kraken/ He was killed in the red sea left for dead meat after lead was packed in his head and back skin// I said " Kraken, how'd u get the name Kraken?/ He said " I keep a little crack on the side in the frame of my jacket"// "If u reach for the coke ill give u my cloak theres a needle inside to pierce through my throat"//
After savin the beast the train that I speak of was ancient to me/ I had a pound of dope to make in my sleeve so the next step was which path to take to the peak// The path I chose was atlast the road which had a whole lotta junkies/ I met Judas and told him betray the devil or he wasnt gettin notta from me//
Long story short Judas was Judas/ He struck a deal with the devil who's used to shootin just after heatin his spoon to fluid// He said " Satan.. I know you usually get ya weed from jamacians and its trees that youre blazin but heres some crack you fiend in the makin//
Now here I stand, nothin but bones in hand and a jaw full of holes with the most tarnished of clothes/ On letsbeef the textcee has arose from the depths of hell here to hustle the thrown//

I escaped the flames of a dragon/ Im a hustler, i could sell crack to the Kraken//

-rupt

[MAN DOWN]

Let's start voting mates :high:

[Erupt da Monsta]

get em innnn....

[Ill Phenom]

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Erupt - Flow was good from both, but rhyme scheme wise erupt has the more fluent one and good internals.
Vocabulary - Splat - Splat slightly gets this cat for me. This was a close category, no doubt.
Topic/Meaning - Tie - I felt both was off and on with this cat. Both seemed to sort of go off in there own directions. You guys used the obvious topics from this picture, but stayed on topic throughout your verse. Just feel one wasn't better than the other in this cat.
Storytelling/Progression - Erupt Rupt def. gets this cat for me. He was better in transition. As Splat just switched right up from chapter to chapter.
Emotion - Splat - Rupt took route of struggles of selling. I felt that Splat had a better approach on the different emotions in each of the chapters.
Imagery - Erupt - Very close on this category. Felt that erupts' imagery on his ending towards the picture, barely edges him this cat.
Poetic Techniques - Tie - Neither really surpassed this other one her. TBH, Splat, I read your verse before you changed it and you would have easily took this cat if you didn't.
Ending - Tie - Splats' ending was a bit so-so for me. It was there but it was just missing that real closing to let you know that his piece was put to an end. Rupt ending it with the letsbeef textcee arose.. Ehh.. It's nice self glory and fits in with the site. But I just wasn't feeling that ending towards the topic or the picture.

Overall: ERUPT GMV cat wise. All the cats were very very close in this one. It could go either way from how ever the reader interprets and reads your guys verses.
Splat you would have took this if you didn't change your verse, the one that you had before about the (I may not be exactly accurate) but the one that was about the kids messing with the kid and got under his skin. That one built up decent and had a really nice ending an meta at the end. You shouldn't have changed it up.

[John Dos]

Flow- Erupt. his shit was just alot smoother. simple as that.
Vocab- Tie. Both came with it on that category.
Topic/Meaning- Erupt. He stayed on topic more, and grasped me a bit more with his piece.
Storytelling- Erupt. He just seemed like it was an effortless flow, and transitions were executed smoothly.
Emotion- Erupt. I honestly seen more emotion in Erupt's piece, idk...felt like I could feel/relate to his piece. Not that I couldn't relate to Splat's, but...it is what it is.
Imagery- Erupt. I could see this being a music video or something, the way he described shit was just fucking dope.
Poetic Techniques- I thought Erupt took this one as well.
Ending- Erupt.

Overall- I felt like Erupt was just better in all cats besides vocab. Gotta go with Erupt on this one.

[Black Book]

Rhyme Scheme/Flow = Erupt. Like Ill said, both had good flows, but Erupt's rhyme scheme came off cleaner & he had more to it.
Vocab = Tie. Neither used any great vocab. Splat: Avoid words like hoe & fasho in topicals. It takes away from the deepness & sophistication of the piece. Erupt you just came with a simple vocab.
Topic/Meaning = Erupt. Erupt gets this simply because he related to the picture better which was the topic, & the piece's meaning is suppose to intertwine w/ the topic.
Storytelling/Progression = Erupt. I think Splat's 3 separate chapters approach hurt him here. Erupt's one continuous storyline just came off better & was more effective in making the storyline progress.
Emotion = Tie. I can't really decide on this one. Both brought decent emotion, but nothing really struck home w/ me that much.
Imagery = Erupt. Both competitors did paint an image, but Erupt came more in-depth. Like the Kraken, train, etc;. Splat came w/ imagery, but it was too vague. It needed more detail.
Poetic Techniques = Tie. Neither really came w/ much of a poetic technique. There wasn't really an overlaying metaphor to either's verse. I guess imagery is a poetic technique, but that has its own category, so I'll mark this as a tie.
Ending = Erupt. Splat came w/ 3 separate chapters, & none of them really had a true ending where I felt satisfied with it. Erupt had one story that came to a conclusion that wrapped it up.
Vote = Erupt. He won or tied in every category. This was a good match though. Both put in good work here.

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Bump for formatting.