Kiwi Peewee
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Crew: KillersForHire.
Reppin: New Zealand
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Crew: Murda Muzik
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Dope Trax (20%)
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Ranked #49 This Season
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Reppin: World
savagesocietygunna (80%) WINNER
Ranked #-- This Season
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Reppin: Denver, Colorado, United States



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  Vote on this Battle

Battle started: July 23rd at 22:29
Challenger joined: July 24th at 00:50


Voting has ended for this battle (battle finished on 2019-07-24 00:50:20).

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One was better here. Good attempt loser

Voted: Dope Trax: 4 / savagesocietygunna: 5
Posted on: 2019-07-26 13:35:12 Private Message CakedOut


Kiwi Peewee
<TheHitmen>
Fair Voters Club

hallow's verse didn't really make sense to me, and I could barely find any rhymes.

Hallow, your very opening bit did have some obvious monosyllabic internal rhyming which was great, so I'd say your opening line was your best. I'd say to just make sure you're writing clear, logical english that makes sense when you write, and that people know what it means when you attack your opponent.

Savage a lot of your multies didn't really seem to work; your opener had a decent punch with the "sleepy hollow"/hallow thing but it was written in a way that made it land less heavily. Your closer had the best rhyming, with "war ready/more heavy/4 chevy" so I'd say it was your best bar but you do need to only capitalise the syllables that actually rhyme, cos all the other stuff you capitalised in that bar didn't.

Voted: Dope Trax: 3 / savagesocietygunna: 4
Posted on: 2019-07-26 15:17:46 Private Message Kiwi Peewee


The Saaxxx Baba

FVC King

hallow - 

- raccoon and hoolahoop dnt rhyme

- beefing and cards dnt rhyme

- all your other rhymes also didn't rhymes

+ none 

even thos this is an autowin imma give this my 2 cent breakdowns to show my appreciation for the improvement savage has been showing.

Savage - 

+ liked the personal attempt in the first line

+ ur first decently spread out multi in the second line, even though you capped the irrelevant words imma let it slide good job mate

- hallows felt a little too repetetive

- u got the structure and intent down but got concepts and wording left

- that 64 chevey had a hint of a concept but the wording and the change in the rhyming made it flat

Voted: Dope Trax: 1 / savagesocietygunna: 4
Posted on: 2019-07-29 12:05:01 Private Message The Saaxxx Baba


Definitely tell that both of you guys are still learning the ropes. And both of you have some ideas that could be worked into solid overall punches if executed in more impactful ways. Readability being one of the most important factors. Hallow, in your regard this is wording. Your wording, throughout most of the verse, reads as rather unnatural. And sometimes as somewhat incoherent(potentially because of a language barrier.) And SSG, a big thing for you to work on is the aspect of flow. And often times the fluidity of a verse can be aided in large parts by a solid understanding of more complex multisyllabic rhyme schemes. This is a really tough battle to call. But, I'm going with the winner based on a more varied set of concepts. Where as my loser tended to focus primarily on one theme throughout.

Voted: Dope Trax: 4 / savagesocietygunna: 4
Posted on: 2019-07-29 12:13:37 Private Message REZN

 

 
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