This was an odd battle, because neither of you displayed your full potential. Incoming full breakdown. []CULPRITT[]: The first scheme was decent, but lacked vocabulary to be dope. Ending two of them with "yo" and "bro" was lazy, and using "deaded" and "deadin" was also lazy. The waiters/eye doc thing was semi-forced. It makes sense as word association, but not punch wise.. waiters don't work for eye doctors.. receptionists do. The next line was awkward.. when you start the rope? What rope? And the wording was awkward in the following scheme "are to choke". There was no real setup (as I'm noticing in the majority of this verse) for that punch so there was no real damage done. You seem to have some okay concepts, but when it comes to setups, structure, & wording.. you're lacking big time. Again, the curve/cursive thing is associated, but isn't really saying anything. Why would cursive be illegible if you had no lines ahead of a curve? What curve (in writing)? That doesn't make sense. Pussy lick/dyke is ultra played. More red on the streets than spastic nights for traffic lights? Again, this wasn't thought out enough for it to make sense as an actual punch. If red lights were spastic.. one would assume they'd be flickering or something.. hell, it doesn't matter.. because the "amount of red" displayed would be less than them just being on 24/7. The scheme in that bar was weak too.. (up the vocab). "Off to war / Stomped in your home" - the syllables don't match.. it should've been lowercase with dashes to match your inner scheme that is one syllable shy of your main scheme.. that's just a structural error, but I do like how you used that scheme to bleed into the main one. Again, you lacked any real setup for your wardrobe punch so there was no damage. The next line is just filler to lead to your hormone concept, which again, wasn't thought out. Why is hormone in parenthesis?? Nothing pertains to hormones in that line at all.. it just sounds like the word. Your plow punch was actually decent.. it had an okay setup. The scheme was lacking any real vocabulary again, but the concept was decent. Just work on the wording ("when season she always" doesn't make sense when read in that context). Also, plough/plow are the same word so the double spelling wasn't necessary. Shit/Stall was another concept that wasn't fully developed.. same with the calendar/Fall. Light jab at best. The concept for the next bar (drive/highway) was ultra played, BUT.. "5 days for cleaning" was a refreshing multi that I wasn't expecting.. that was the first one that caught me off guard in a positive way so hats off to that. But, you followed it with another played concept (force/saber) which heavily decreased your momentum. Again, "shot/drinking" is another soft concept that didn't do damage.. especially the way it was worded. You say "skyscraper drinking" like it's an actual past time or something. Worded as "drinking on skyscrapers" already makes more sense.. still soft, but makes more sense. Measure/ruler.. blah, played. "Gimmicks is a bruiser" and "business of this loser" are both filler. Not even bravado, just plain filler. Run shit/manure was played again. "Terror with the flames" was filler.. but, the rectify concept was very nice.. you've just got to set it up better. If you scrapped the first line and made the lead up relevant, that could've been hard hitting. Class/school and color/segregate are too simple to make an impact. The next bar had a stretched scheme (meaning it was more than a mouthful to get it out each time you got to the capped words.. it was strenuous), and the last concept could've been okay but since you didn't think this one out either, it just came out as a line in bad taste. Carrots fucked would've gotten a chuckle out of me if you set it up.. instead, like the majority of the previous concepts, it was just a quote followed by a schemed concept. Use the rest of your bar to build the punch.. it's like you're trying to build a house by throwing bricks into a pile and expecting them to manifest themselves into something. []TBB[]: First line was okay.. you were setting it up, but the damage was minimal. Next bar I kind of liked.. first, your "oh please, as if" part came out of nowhere, but I liked it.. same as I liked Cul's 5-Days part. The actual punch was.. it was okay as well. The end wasn't so tough but the setups are what saved you. The next bar was bad. Two full sentences with three 3-syllable multies that showed no vocab whatsoever, and a lackluster punch at the end. The scheming in the next bar is kind of staggering.. the "kid hung, lynched when" was forced.. "is some fiction" was awkward when using the same syllable emphasis as your scheme, and the end concept felt like it should've hit harder than it actually did with all that build up.. but it didn't. The next bar didn't do much either. You're setting up a story about his chick.. to end with "workin that bird overtime like a cuckoo clock"?? Nah, bro. I get it.. the bird is over the actual clock, which is time. It just didn't connect. Also, that "new to cock" part was forced and filler. Cain/Able is one of the most played concepts out there, and your bar did nothing to revitalize it.. right when I saw the word "cane" I knew you were using that concept and it was almost torturous to read through the line to get to a concept that I knew would be a let down. If you're gonna used played concepts, don't use the actual concept in your scheme so you can "trick" the readers and at least make it refreshing with a nicer scheme. Your next concept (6 pack/gut/weight class) was an okay concept, but your set-ups sucked... so the punch did nothing. Look at the wording: "claiming he's sick's pack". That makes no sense. Also, you're using filler for your setups... (count this fake as/out with eight caps).. "fake" is 99% of the time a filler word, as it is here.. and why just 8 caps? Why not 6? Why not 9? Why not 142? Filler. Your next line had a great concept just because you used name play with some vocab (that you misspelled.. it's seize, not cease. And if you meant cease, I'm just going to assume it's seize because it still makes sense remaining written as it is.. and actually sounds like "C's". And police seize things, not cease things.) The pigs part didn't really work for a setup.. it associates with your concept but doesn't really work as it's written.. you'd never refer to a police bust as "the pigs flew in and took my shit". Nah. Your next bar was just a concept.. a strange, floating concept that was just forced in and of itself. You tried to set up some scenario where you assumed he was hustling, but it just read as awkward and wasn't fitting at all. I get that lock/key talk/jaw are associated... but they aren't connecting together to make a real punch.. they're just words that have to do with each other. The next punch was both played and self-inflicted. You start with "went to see son" which is a stretch already, and doesn't sound like the voice you're using in the remainder of your verse. (Earlier you had NEW TO COCK, with a heavy emphasis on the word "to".. now you're rushing it and pronouncing it as "tah"?? No.) Then you use both consistency and inconsistency as setups.. why the same base word twice? So this bar alone is full of several inconsistencies, yet you're trying to say it's a diss toward him, yet it hurt you more. Also, the way you'd have to pronounce "so damn hard to ya".. putting heavy emphasis on "damn" makes it awkward and a bit forced. The last bar had a lazy scheme (weak foe / geek yo) and an overly cluttered setup that didn't impact. (pitiful looking dude behind those bars.. just to use Freak Show in a scheme.. huh??) Overall, I wasn't impressed with either of these verses. I've seen BOTH of you display at least 300% more talent than was shown in these verses.. so that's why I dropped the verbose criticism to explain what went wrong and how to fix it next time. Keep elevating, guys. Posted on: 2012-12-25 17:08:35

PyroShit Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-24 23:23:45

I felt ya , fv no h8 Voted: Black Book /
Posted on: 2012-12-25 03:57:48

PYROshit Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-25 05:42:22

ACish Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-25 08:31:49

No hate, but I'm willing to bet Sonnyg didn't even read the battle.. 32's deserve a reason why the votes went which way, ohwell.. Good ass battle fellas, ACz in here though! Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-25 13:31:48

AC Hegemony! Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-25 14:39:10

sAy Cheese! Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-25 15:49:47

Votes like Sonny's suck. He gave this a 5/6. Look at his battles. His raps are garbage, but I bet he would vote himself at least a 5. If this is a 5/6 your shit is a -3. Shit. Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-25 15:52:32

holy shit that breakdown by phrox =O Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-25 21:26:48

PYROshit Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-27 09:35:28