i must of wrote this in under 5 mins maybe thats why Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-07-25 12:28:05

my first attempt at this kinda stuff but it got edited hard as it was well over the 8 line rule, the more i looked at it the worse it looked...i could have written a much better diss against my own shit to be honest im suprised at such a weak battle but i guess thats my price for havin a shit entry, il wait for someone decent to put a battle up n my skills will begin to shine PEACE OUT Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-07-25 13:34:47

Was feeling one just a bit more. Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-07-25 14:45:25

haphazard everybody starts somewhere , just keep up the work and it will go better .peace. Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-07-25 18:21:09

ok this was a basic battle imo, first of HAP- you had the cleanest verse, as far as structure goes, bars were decent in length, so flow wasnt hindered, what you do need to work on, is to throw in stronger disses, you already wasted a bar, wit your first line.. each line should be a hit on your opponent. you kinda wasted more lines toward the end talkin bout his girl... also, considering this is probably your first battle, start practicing more complex endrhymes,. jiege e- your structure is all over the place, the way you drop a few words and end wit a rhyme, plus your setups need to start wit a central idea, and follow thru on it to your next bar.. i'd say start writing your verse like haphazard, employing a clear and concise structure, from there you can practice writing a clean couplet , bar 2 lines.. instead of a run 0n paragraph... as far as disses goes, very rudimentary in ideas and base form of dissing... get a bit more clever... anyways.. fairs in.. Voted: Haphazard / jiegee
Posted on: 2012-07-26 01:41:46

One came Harder fairs I'm return vote! Voted: Haphazard / jiegee
Posted on: 2012-07-26 04:36:27

hap -u need to fill ur box. i didnt fill my box on 1 of my 1st battles and i had a few comments about it, ppl do judge on it. i liked the agression in your lines and i think if u developed them a bit more u cud have had some pretty decent hitters. ur verse was quite basic and although this is a text battle, it still needs to flow which i didnt feel it did. try reading your verse out aloud when uve finished writing, if it flows its all gud, if it doesnt then change it up. 8 lines isnt a lot so u need to make every single line count. Focus on turning the aggression into stronger creative punches. Jiege - i thought ur opener was irrelevant, it wasnt direct, there was no real setups or end punch. ur opener is 1 of the most important lines so make it count, the next line i really liked, it was quick, sharp n although not a heavy hittin punch, it still did some damage.. same with the next line. the ending fell of a bit tho i think its evident that u have some creativity, u need to harnass that and turn it into stronger punches. watch your structure too. Fairs in Voted: Haphazard / jiegee
Posted on: 2012-07-26 12:50:51

good battle Voted: Haphazard / jiegee
Posted on: 2012-07-27 14:37:13

fv Voted: Haphazard / jiegee
Posted on: 2012-07-27 22:46:55

elevation from both fv Voted: Haphazard / jiegee
Posted on: 2012-07-27 23:46:50