Expo: his old names The Viper, Spade: is like the female way of being nudered, also Spade is Card in deck, DISCARDED...// Multi strings, spider man has Web Strings... Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-01-29 01:38:30

SWAG! Voted: Barz© /
Posted on: 2012-01-30 05:05:12

[TY]: I liked the narrative, story-telling angle of the first bar, but there was not real structure to the multies causing the flow to break up a bit. The wording at the end of it could've been better also. Second bar was grimey man, the punch eas filthy and raew, but your multie scheme and overall structure let you down a bit again. Becareful with that man. Finished ok, but it was too much crammed in to that bar for it to have any real impact. Swing and a miss for me. Watch your multies and concepts my dude. [RASTA]: First bar was a killer, a great flip and a nice personal to finish. Good opener. The next bar was a really cool wordplay, but expo'ing mid-verse with it loses impact: try putting your expo in brackets at the end of the bar to tie it all in rather than the whole Waste/waist thing, it looks better and improves your flow & readability.Last bar was ok, a bit meh but it was tight enough. Remember, my votes and expos are to help you improve, don't bitch if they're harsh cause it's entirely for your own benefit. Decent battle here fellas, always 100. PYRO. Voted: Barz© /
Posted on: 2012-01-30 05:08:10

one had NO real punchlines and VERY simple multis. the others punch lines were pretty ite. id like to see a lot better from both tho. fv. Voted: Barz© /
Posted on: 2012-01-30 16:52:18

fv Voted: Barz© /
Posted on: 2012-01-31 17:12:15